Random link to a movie trailer....I really liked it!

Ok so tonight I'm going to be random and share a trailer of a movie I just saw this week.  It's not a blockbuster, while I do enjoy my "blockbuster men in suits with guns and fast cars" type of movies, I also can enjoy a good documentary or indi/small film.

The movie is called "The Namesake".  Apparently there is a book also and this movie is based off of it.  I've never read the book, but loved the movie.  While my parents and relatives are pretty much assimilated to America, I will say that it still is interesting growing up as a child of parents not born in America.  Almost as though we are between two worlds in which we don't "fit in" 100% but we do the best we can, succeeding yes, but often times still wondering where our place is.

This is why I love movies like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" or any documentary that has to do with immigrants or first generation Americans living here.  Anyways I thought I'd share the trailer with you and just say that it's a great movie to see especially if one's parents were not born here but one is!  Also a good reminder to go easy on the folks even if there are differences that have to do with culture clash.

TV epic fail!

You know those first time mothers that swear their child will not see anything on TV....ever.  (ok for the first five years?)  I just failed on that this week....yes Tigger loves music so music videos of songs she can sing and dance to I've let her watch, but those don't count.

We've been sucked into Blue mania this week....Tigger's only favorite programming for preschoolers.

Yup, my daughter is intrigued with Blue's Clues.  Lord help us.

hmmmm yeah my brain is mush, so here's a random post

It seems that it doesn’t matter whether I’m a kid or in my early 30s. When I’m sick, I love to watch the old Disney cartoon movies.


I decided to write a post dedicated to the older Disney cartoon movies (not the new ones or Pixar which are radically different).

It’s been very popular nowadays to get into the Disney bashing parade. You know what I’m talking about. Girls are duped into thinking they will live “happily ever after”, the “princess phenomenon” and that it’s all a “marketing ploy”. While I can see some of that, I have to say, I see a much bigger picture going on. And that is what I’d like to share.

Have you noticed that we live in a “everyone wins” society lately? I mean seriously when sports get into ‘all kids are winners’ and there are ‘no losers’, and cartoon movies are very shallow or rude and condescending, I have to say I appreciate the old Disney cartoon movies. Why? Ok here’s my reason:

In a cartoon kid friendly way, these movies spin the very notion that life is NOT fair and that we have to deal. My parents put on “The Fox and The Hound” for me on Sunday (no jokes please, I’m serious…plus they let my Tigger cuddle with me and they watched too) and I guess I had forgotten how sad these cartoons are. Yes my mom and I bawled like crazy on Sunday ha ha ha. Anyways you remember the movie, little pup and little fox become friends, but they are different and life gets in the way. What should be a happy ending really isn’t, and the slogan “and we’ll always be friends forever, yeah forever” doesn’t ring true even if the cartoon didn’t end in a complete tragedy. Point of the story (aside from I think the anti-hunting theme) is that while life “should” be one way, it doesn’t always end up that way.

You see in “The Jungle Book” the story of a boy that is being taken care of by the panther and bear….but in the end although the Bear wants him to stay, the panther in his infinite wisdom tells the bear he needs to let him go back to where he was originally from, that the village would take care of him. Sometimes the best intentions isn’t enough.

Ok let’s tackle some of the princess movies. In my eyes and the way I viewed it, the cartoon “The little Mermaid” was more about the father “letting go” and realizing that his girl won’t stay little forever more than it is about her finding love…which is true. How many families have issues with co-dependency (and I laugh because I know my parents live down the street, but we have a relationship that is normal culturally and we each have our own lives and my parents help but don’t bail me out of messes) or take it personally when their child grows up and doesn’t “do what they think their child should do?”

Cinderella? Yep she ended up with a prince and a ‘happily ever after’ moment but seriously I would not have wanted her life…..mom dies, dad seems loving enough but dies as well, leaving her with an evil stepmother (and yes evil stepparents exist) so goodness, the poor girl had to have some hope for her life don’t you think? There’s a quote from a parent on an adoption forum I frequent that raises older boys and she says “life without hope is walking death”. I think that’s pretty accurate so let Cinderella have some hope and some dreams in her life….goodness, she deserves it! And let’s face it, it IS a cartoon so of course Cinderella will get a “happily ever after” moment, but not without angst.

Now my parents were pretty rigid on what I could watch so I’m not too familiar with “Snow White” or “Sleeping Beauty” as the evil witch was darker than my parents liked…so no comment on those on whether there is an overall theme or if they are indeed brainless princess movies but here’s the thing,

I’m not on the “hate Disney princess/happily ever after” bandwagon. I think as a society, including children’s TV, we have lost the ability to tell kids that sometimes life sucks and now new kids/young adults just don’t know how to deal with life. I think the older Disney cartoons had some good life lessons that had to do with life in general.

I guess I had Disney on the mind and life on the mind, and I know my child and I will have talks about how life isn’t fair and how it isn’t all sunshine, roses, and butterflies. So my random thought for the day….Ha! What about you? Are you on the ‘hate’ Disney bandwagon, not, or indifferent?

Tuesday Truisms: a small break to introduce stupid FB pervs

Facebook used to be so nice and un-spammy...(is that even a word?) and then all of a sudden this week I received two classic messages (I guess because my profile is private so people have to message me to even try to get a look around) 

Introducing John Weirdo*

Here's the message:

Hello there,
how are u doing out there? It's cool to see you on here..u really have nice picture..and you are really cute...actually you maybe wondering how i came across your profile but the thing is that i was going through the existing member of this site and i came across your picture and i like it so i thought that i should say hi..ok...Do you come on here often???..but if you are interested as i am interested in meeting you..you could give me your yahoo ID so that we could chat on there...i have my picture there...and i don't come on here much based on the work i do..am always on yahoo instant messenger...i would really love to know you more..


Wow Mr. Weirdo, nice to meet you too, always nice to get stalkers to get a message from a forward thinking man.  The irony is that this is the picture that was on my profile when he sent this message:

I mean I'm left to deduce that you are either pervy and are into kids um ewwww or like older women (no offense to my grandma but she was in her mid-40s when she had my mom) and since I'm not in that photo nor a child or in my 40s, I'll pass on your weird and pervy nice offer to get to know me more. 

Then later on in the week this is in my inbox from Mr. I'm confused about who you are*

"how are you doing ...i presumed fine just wondering how come a cute man like you still a single i bet you any woman can come ask you out for a date ..hope you dont mind getting a mail from a stranger am sorry if you do...i will like to learn more about you if you dont mind you can drop me a line back"

um ok, did you notice I WAS NOT a cute man?  just sayin' so since you're obviously confused as to my gender then no you don't need to learn more about me since I may not be your type.....(still had the same profile picture on there)

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty! (a great line i stole from the great Laura herself on fetch my flying monkeys)

So my truism for the day is  "Facebook is also full of online wannabe guys looking for love"

Couldn't have said it better myself

Since my writing sometimes leaves much to be desired...ha!  I decided to let this article from the Huffington Post say it all.  Arizona, don't think this will be a state I would consider moving to!

What the Arizona Bill Should Really be about!

Facebook

I decided after much thinking to put up a separate page on Facebook for my blog.  I usually link my blog on facebook for family and friends to see what we are up to, however, as I've been reading around and overhearing conversations, I want to have a separate page to deal with putting out resources for people in the process of or parenting as a single person. 

While single parents are not with the same stigma as years past (which led to a high number of adoptions out of shame for pregnancies out of wedlock) it can be difficult for a person to find good resources and support systems if going at it alone, especially if they belong to the Christian faith.  So if you're a reader here on blogger and would like to connect to this blog's facebook page, just follow the link here and I will also be posting resources and other information pertinent to single parenting. 

Now since I'm trying to put positive information for other people to latch onto, feel free to direct anyone you know parenting as a single person or thinking about it to come and contact me.  I'd be more than willing to lend an ear and talk about how the process went for me.  Also if interested in adoption, specifically from foster care, I am more than happy to send you all sorts of reading material in order to give more perspective on different issues are around or that may come up. 

I have been blessed to find people in cyberland that have given me great advice on all sides of the adoption triad and I am more than happy to pay it forward.  So while I'm not going to be doing fancy boxes (I don't think) showing how many people like me on facebook (because my goal is not become rich and famous, but to reach out to others that may need support from someone who has been there and done that) I encourage you to direct anyone you feel may benefit from information I may put on here (which occasionally I do) that deals with single parenting or adoption from foster care in general. 

April is....

April is:

National Child Abuse Prevention Month

Foster2Forever has a great blog post about educating and being an advocate for children

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Activities and information for the 2011 year

National Autism Awareness Month

Activities and information

There are reasons months highlight different issues.  They promote awareness and hopefully enlightens the general public to misconceptions and truths.  I hope that all of my readers and the random ones that come by have some time to identify what their passions are (even if it's not highlighted in this month) and work to get information and education out to more people.  As we start April (and I'm not a fan of April Fool's jokes) I wanted to point out three of the themes that this month brings awareness to. 

"Once"

Warning:  This post is just fluff!

I normally don't promote movies to the broad scope of people because every family has it's own guidelines for what they like to watch or what they think it's appropriate to watch.  I know for me, I grew up with limited television and rated G movies/cartoons. 

When I was older (when I mean older I mean 18 or 19) I really got into crime dramas.  My mom wasn't too thrilled but wasn't exactly surprised given that I would always buy the darkest crime novels that I could in the Christian bookstore in the fiction department....of course if she would protest, I would just come back with "we are in the Christian bookstore so these books are under the umbrella of acceptable books to read".  While I dabbled in some of the more modern horror flicks away at college....I could only do so if I was hanging on to my friend (um that would be you T) and we would have to sleep in the same room in our college apartment complex with doors locked.  I can't stand too much of that.  Even now, I don't get too drastic with my movie choices but definately have my favorites.  Some more worthy of others. 

However did feel like sharing one of my cute favorite movies.  It's an odd choice.  One of those random films (non-blockbuster) that draw in small audiences.  I love the movie because it focuses on a snippet of time for two individuals with relationship baggage and a quick friendship that develops through music.  However, since this film isn't a mainstream film, in fact I think it's an Irish film to be exact, the plot and the ending certainly aren't what we are used to seeing in movie entertainment.  Because of this is why I like it.  It may not have been the ending we hoped for, but in reality, it was the 'right' ending even though it may not seem to be.  Great film, I own it and I watch it when I'm in the mood to not be bombarded by the usual movie/TV fast paced drama.  It's like a musical without it being a cheesy musical (and hey I love me some cheesy musicals...I bust out in 'Sound of Music' and 'Oklahoma' quite a bit) because hey, it's about two people that love music in their own way. 

In case you haven't figured it out yet, the movie is called "Once".  For those of you more cautios about content, it does have some language in it and thus the higher rating along with the movie, although I've noticed that most movies from other countries tend to have this too so there ya go...full disclosure!  Here's a snippet of the film, if you feel so inclined I'll be the first to say, I really really like this one! 

Baby Vanessa

I've been vaguely following the story of "Baby Vanessa" as it's a California story first of all, and because I'm always curious as to how these situations play out and what factors were at play that made this situation become big court battles in the first place. 

Anyways if you've been following the story or wonder what I read about, here is the outcome!
Read here and here and finally here for three different write ups.  I have many thoughts about this case, but they are jumbled so am not sure if I can accurately write my jumbled thoughts into a coherent post right now.  I think I will instead write a post about the different issues that this case definitely brought and post at a later date. 

Let your guard down and embrace satire and humor for once

Since starting this adoption journey, I've learned a lot....joined a couple of forums and have learned many things including new language.  Because of this, I think there are select groups (1st moms, adoptees, adoptive parents) that can now get very sensitive and wonder why this was said and that was said, and yes (even I) get defensive if people say the wrong thing or are asking/saying stupid questions/statements. 

I've linked over to mompetition  numerous times on my blog.  She is a blogger that blogs under the definition of 'satire' as defined by websters dictionary (it's found at the top of her blog) so every cartoon that she makes is 'over the top, satirical, poke fun of' the exchanges moms can have with each other. 

Why this preface?....because I'm going to embedd her latest video making fun of people that stick their foot in their mouth when they enounter adoptive moms....(for the record this information was NOT given to her from me, she asked me what I found interesting and I said the homestudy process....which she asked questions about, so no this isn't from my conversation with her, she has tons of followers so she interacts with what everyone has had to endure from the mom angle)

Anyways since the forum I've attended has had some "offended" parties recently through some heated threads, I just wanted to warn you that this video while it can make you laugh may be a bit 'over-the-top' so be warned.  However, take it for what it is and just let your guard down and enjoy.  If you don't believe me that this blogger really goes 'over the top' with moms just go back and look at all her videos. Sometimes it's just nice to laugh at stupidity including knowing when the videos capture our own stupidity during the mom years. 

Somber post!

So between the middle of December and the first week of January both my parents and I got called for jury duty.  I was first....before the holidays and didn't get called all week so was automatically dismissed.  My father was the week right after Christmas and didn't get called in all week and also got automatically dismissed.  My mom on the other hand has a knack for always getting called into the court for a big case.  This year was no exception.  She was called for an ugly case.  She couldn't talk about it but she was almost picked for the jury, and was being considered when the attorneys went into the chambers and took forever in there until finally coming out and then the judge excused my mom.  My mother said before they had that "chambers" meeting the defense attorney gave her the evil eye and my mom kinda smiled like "I so can't be impartial I don't even believe myself". 

My mother said that she disclosed everything (you know they make you fill out forms and junk and ask you to spill your life story) and she thinks the part about Tigger and myself was the part that got her excused. 

So right at around 3pm, I look to see what the news items are for our area and lo and behold, top news story is this trial that then my mom told us about.  So I read it in the paper...they are on phase two now which is determining if the insanity defense was legit as they already did the first part and there was a conviction.  As I was reading though, it sickened me.  A mom kills her 17 month old kid....17 month old kid, that's Tigger's age....no wonder the defense attorney gave my mom the evil eye, I don't think my mom would have survived this jury.  They went on to describe how this mother killed her child and it's not pretty.  Forget the stories you've heard about moms drowning their kids, think blow to the head and stabbed by an arrow....I'm sorry, I'm not going to be clean right now, but WTF? I don't care if you think God speaks to you through music how do you do that to a kid? forget the kid part, a little tyke!  Ugh.  They warned the jury that there would be "disturbing pictures"....I can only imagine.  I'm very glad my mom didn't get picked for this.  The kid was the same age as Tigger and she is very emotional about stuff like that. 

As I was thinking about this case and read that the crime happened in 2009, I'm wondering if that's the call my adoption worker answered and was traumatized by it.  I was taking my adoption classes back then and one week my adoption worker who was also one of the teachers came in very serious and it was because she was signed up for overtime and got a call and the child was already dead....but this one she did disclose that she had to go to therapy for.  She's seen 7 dead kids and she went to therapy for the first time and then was ok until this last one in 2009.  I'm almost sure it was this case just because reading about it made a deep impression on me. 

It's stories like these that make me think that it would be more than ok if God had a Heaven already for kids that died tragic deaths or have one to reunite with.  I know our particular church believes in a person being"at rest" until the second coming, however, there should be a Heaven for children....adults and older people can "rest", kids deserve Heaven already.  (Disclaimer: I don't need a theological comment if you know what church I belong to, this isn't about that)

Well that was the news of.the.day.

Kid's Heaven...no cares in the world and no psycho parents around to kill them!

Brothers & Sisters tackling foster/adoption theme

So do any of you watch 'Brothers & Sisters'?  I do.  I know it's full of topics in which heated arguments/debates can ensue, but I just love the family dynamic of this family...very um realistic and full of dysfunctional functional.  In short, I love the family relations that this TV drama emits. 

That being said last Sunday when Scotty and Kevin (Kevin being one of the Walker family members and his husband) were doing the parenting classes for the fost/adopt program in Los Angeles county and then attend an adoption fair where they promptly fall in love with a girl who is extremely friendly and over the top nice to them, I don't get that "awwwww" moment.  I got the antenna moment where my brain is screaming "RAD alert"  (RAD= Reactive Attachment Disorder).  It seems as though Kevin and Scotty are going to rate her in the adoption fair as who they were compatible with and I was left wondering if that was going to be all there was "to it" or would they even show a kid that was having even some attachment issues. 

While I don't think it will be to the extreme, I am curious to see how this will play out....I just saw some sneak peaks into a future episode called "choosing a date" that may show this girl as actually acting out when first visiting/placed. 

What do you all think? check out these clips....I wish I could find them without the stupid advertisements before the actual clip, but try to hang in there over into the clips.  Remember while I couldn't find a clip of the adoption fair, this girl "Olivia" was very sweet, charismatic, and melted their hearts. 

Now watch this:  Meeting at the adoption SW office

And then this:  Asking advice for sneaking a boy in

Ok so it's TV and media, it won't show everything, but at least I"m glad that they showed the "happy child" when first meeting and then obvious change in behavior even if it's minor compared to what can actually happen and the adjustment factor. 

Remember this is also the TV show that did a domestic infant transracial adoption with Kitty and Robert without any indication of paperwork signing, counseling, or social workers so should be interesting to watch how this plays out. 

The use of "Adoption" as a qualifier and/or adjective

Tonight I've been thinking about the subject of the "qualifier".  You know, the phrase "the adoptive child of the Smiths" "This is my son John, he was adopted".   In one of the online forums I frequent there was a rather lively thread dealing with people's feelings on this topic.  Some people have noted that very often in obituaries, you will read that Mrs. Smith was survived by her son and adoptive daughter (or her adoptive children etc.).  In the media, if a crime happens and the person happened to be an adopted individual, that little tidbit of information is splashed on the front page.

Two camps emerged from this thread.....one camp was adamant that the qualifier term "adoptive" isn't necessary and gets irked by all that.  The other camp was more iffy, not necessarily saying using the word "adoptive" is necessary, but that it is a fact of life and the more we hear about children that were adopted into families the more normalized adoption becomes which in turn helps diminish the secrecy and shame that being adopted used to conjure.

Let me try to sift through many of the comments and bring out the main points and see if there are any merits to either of the two camps making their points on the thread.

Media--  Is it necessary for magazines and tabloids to always name celebrity's children as adopted children?  For example one of the celebrities mentioned was Tom Cruise.  Is it necessary to put in the caption "Tom Cruise at a baseball game with his adoptive kids"?  What about this scenario...remember in the Spring the woman Tori Hensen that returned a newly adopted 7year old back to Russia?  I remember on some blogs and forums, single parents everywhere were smacking their heads because now people were talking about how single women shouldn't adopt because they can't handle parenting...so what do you think? 

I personally think the former scenario is unnecessary because it's almost like the point is redundant...Tom Cruise is out at a baseball game with his kids...is it really necessary to use the phrase adoptive kids?  If people live in the states, they probably know that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman did adopt kids...sheesh even I knew that and I'm not up on pop culture!  In the latter example...I'm kinda glad the media took off with it.  Why? Because I do feel that many people are not very well prepared to deal with attachment issues and while this case was not a positive news item, I'm hoping that it did spark some interest in learning about attachment and what behavioral problems there can be due to neglect and/or living in an orphanage prior to living in a home and having to deal with not only a culture change, but a whole new set of rules that are in place in order to live in a family setting. 

Everyday Life--What about introducing your kids to people as your adoptive kids?  What about blogging about adoption?  What about educating people in the store or school when it comes to adoption? 

Speaking for myself, I walk a fine line between the two.  In real life, I just refer to my Tigger as my daughter.  If I'm engaged in a relationship and we're talking and sharing, I will say that Tigger came to me by adoption and use that time to talk positively about each aspect of adoption, however, as a previous post stated, when out in public I don't owe anyone an explanation and most of the time I'll come up with something to say and just pretend that adoption is not part of the equation.  This is funny to me, because I always come up with ideas to put here on my blog and I do write about adoption and different aspects of it.  I do see the point that we as parents should not ignore adoption and/or it's issues and that the more we talk about it, talk about the ethics, and talk about the way both state and private agencies can improve or have improved.  I do believe this is great because it keeps adoption information out there and as one person said in the above thread..." the more you talk about it, the more normal it becomes".  And having adoption seen as a normal way of growing your family is always a good thing as it ensures your child won't be seen as a second class citizen. 

Obituaries--This is where we see many qualifiers...."survived by adopted _____".  Some parents don't think it's right and say "why can't it just say daughter, not adopted daughter". 

I do agree with this.  If I write my own obituary, you can bet I'm not putting Tigger down as my adoptive daughter, I am going to put her as my surviving daughter and that's it.  (if life goes according to plan)  Someone also mentioned that it may be necessary to write them this way because they may be archiving for future family trees...actually for genealogy purposes.  This was one thing I was going to research and look online for, but life got in the way.  I have no idea if obituaries are the place to read up on when doing genealogy, however, if tracing a bloodline and/or health history, you do need the distinction because in genealogy, adopted people are marked differently because they can't be a source for medical hx. 

50+ years ago, single unwed mothers were shipped off to maternity homes and their children were placed for adoption and all adoptions were closed.  With adoption awareness and focus to this issue, I do think our society has come far in it's attitudes regarding adoption.  Adoption is no longer the shameful secret and we celebrate adoption....for our relatives, because of our friends, or for oneself.  Could this have been possible without all the extra attention to adopted kid?  I'm not sure.  Again I do believe it's a thin line we walk and I hope that Tigger grows up to be proud of who she is....all of her history, not just from when she came to my home. 

I open this discussion up to the readers.  What do you think?  Is the qualifier "Adoption" used too often and only for bad purposes or do you feel that talking about your family, how you became a family and doing extra things like blogging about adoption in all it's glory (including the bad) is helping adoption become the norm  a way to counteract how adoption was viewed a few decades ago?

What movies have you seen that have an adoption theme (National Awareness Month day 16)?

So today's little activity in the month of November is to watch an adoption themed movie....I thought I'd share a few I liked.

1.  Martian Child--I like this movie because it is an older child adoption...one through foster care.  While critics didn't really care for the movie because it was "too slow" I thought it did a great portrayal of the fact that bonding and attachment doesn't happen overnight and that it can be an ongoing struggle.  That is very real and most often glossed over in films. 

2.  Two films....short documentaries that I have blogged about before on PBS POV programming.  Deanne Borshay films her search for answers about her family back in Korea and her struggle to reconcile the secrecy regarding the details of her adoption [made to take on another identity and shipped off to the US under another name] and in the end making peace with all the pieces in her life.  these stores go in order

First Person Plural can be watched here
In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee can be watched here

I love these films because I love 'drama'.  I like 'real' types of films.  I'm not interested in a happy ending per say, I enjoy the more somber tone.  If you do like movies that end in 'happy endings' then I did also enjoy watching "The Blind Side"...it stops at the proverbial 'happy ending' however, it's a nice non-fiction story and does also bring awareness to some issues that abound in our own backyards so to speak. 

I hope you'll think about indulging my request to watch these films...I may be slightly biased, but I feel that these films are pretty good about showing real emotion in various aspects of adoption.

TV Crime Drama Procedurals and Foster care/Adoption themes

Well that title should just say it all, but since I just finished watching an episode on my DVR of a new crime drama procedural titled Detroit 1-8-7 I figured I'd blog about my thoughts. 

The particular episode is called "Lost child; murder 101".  In it a woman is murdered in her SUV and a preschool age child is found hiding in the backseat.  While all the wonderful actors try to figure out the crime and where the child belongs they find out that this woman is NOT the mother of this child....then they find a couple with a medically fragile son....a wonderful family that just happened to have "adopted" him but then mysteriously won't talk about why this recently murdered woman was on her way to see them with this other child that they have found out isn't hers....yes the plot thickens. 

In this intricately woven mess of a plot, we find out that the murdered woman is an ex-social worker that swoops in and kidnaps kids that are in bad foster homes and doctors up papers--termination of parental rights and adoption papers so that the kids aren't left in bad homes and end up with 'good' people/homes along with phony adoption papers.  The birth father of the girl was the one that ended up being the killer and the lead detective takes initiative with the DCFS supervisor and scurries this girl secretly with that family that "adopted" their other son (you know the one with fake adoption papers) so that she won't be lost to the system forever.  (I'm assuming more forged/fake adoption paperwork was in the mix as well)  Of course everyone thinks this is the best answer to beat a broken system...even the DCFS supervisor ended the hour by saying her last line "the day I get in trouble for this is the day the system is fixed". 

Now while I know that TV drama shows are there for emotional appeal and to make situations extreme so that your favorite actor/actress can melt your heartstrings..and then there is a following....crazy love-struck fans living in fantasy, all that good stuff I have some major problems with this storyline both as a soon to be forever family and because I did pursue adoption through foster care. 

1.  The portrayal of foster homes here....well it really feeds the myth that most foster homes are evil, bad, and out for the money.
*while some foster homes may indeed be a hell hole, (heck Tigger had to be taken from her first emergency placement due to some unfortunate circumstances in the home and yet her second foster home was warm, inviting, friendly, GOOD, and I still keep in touch with them), not all foster homes are like this.  I do feel that foster homes do get the short end of the stick in the media....

2.  Contrary to popular opinion, not all birthparents are evil psycho killers.  Yes in foster care/DCFS/CPS, the home life is more than likely bad if not children would not be taken away and put in foster homes, but a cold blooded killer all the time? yeah...um no.  Would it surprise you that some families that have adopted children from foster care maintain some somrt of semi-open to open adoption with family members and/or a parent?  Well it does happen.  Does it surprise you that some foster parents and/or adoptive parents carry around a great deal of sadness and sympathy for the biological parents?  well they do, it'sa complicated situation that can't be wraped up in 60 minutes. 

3.  Because the system is broken it's ok to be vigilantes.....oh no.
*there is nothing right about kidnapping.  There are rules, policies, and procedures to follow.  Do we like all of them?  no, but does this make it ok to take the law into your own hands because the foster care system sucks?  That's a dangerous path to follow. 

4.  Can someone please enlighten me as to why we think it's ok to falsify adoption papers and court proceedings just because a family is a "good" and "deserving" family?
*First of all this is wrong....on all levels.  I don't care if you are a "good" family or not.  Working the system, throwing money around so you can get what you want and what you think you deserve is not right.  Not to mention that in the heat of the emotional moment on tv, you will have people saying that the 'ends justify the means' and agreeing that a good home was way better and it was right to falsify everything for this little girl. 

Sometimes a TV show is just a TV show.  However, as I look and ponder my favorite TV shows, foster care and adoption are never put in a positive light.  Most of the time it's the "bad seed" mentality or the evil biological parents, or the child with RAD that kills everyone.  It's kind of frustrating. 

Sure, adoption needs to be something that can be talked about.  Maybe seeing more on older child adoptions may cause a family to think, but these types of plots in tv drama shows only cement long held myths that are usually not true, which is unfortunate because many people do get their 'adoption education' from the TV and I shudder to think that this is the message that they are seeing and remembering in their brains.