It never ceases to amaze me that my life is really not going in "normal" order

Yesterday was just a funny day.  It was fun, it was jovial, and it was an introduction to a new phase of our lives. Nope not a new child, but I did meet S's daughter for the first time.  It was a blast and we all had fun.  While in pictures we look more like sisters than would be stepmom/stepdaughter people, it was fun and a great time was had by all.  (and I still am closer in age to S than I am to his daughter!!!!!)

So much for following the "normal" protocol.  I love my life.

Driving down to the Zoo

S's daughter and us

S with both his daughter and mine

I crack up every single time I look at this picture.  It's funny to me

Life and Adoption news

So S and I finally had a true blue couple moment this weekend when my feelings were hurt over something and his feelings got hurt because he felt bad about hurting my feelings.  We don't really see it as "that we had an argument", but we were able to finally test our communication skills and we worked through it and lived to tell about it!  Ha!  We still maintain that we haven't had a true blue argument yet, however, most of our time together after Tigger is in bed is spent in conversation and discussion over books that we are reading....which are books on relationships.  (Yes we really are THAT corny)  Currently we are discussing "Love Languages the Singles Edition" and have taken our love language profile so we have an idea of the hierarchy each other feels is most important to them.  There is a book about that for married people too and I think it's great.  S and I have been able to learn more information about how we grew up, what our pet peeves are, how we feel loved, about each other than just in random conversation.  So yeah obviously I think it's a great book to talk about and share with your spouse or significant other.

S, Tigger, and I enjoying ourselves after resolving our 'moment'

In Adoption News:

I don't think I ever advertised on the blog that I was homestudy ready for adding a second child into my home, but I have been since the summer and since before meeting S.  He knew about it and has been a steadfast supporter.  I'm sure it helps that he is a medical social worker and runs groups for domestic violence and substance abuse for the office of probation in the county that he lives in.  Anyways in 8 months I had not received a call.  Today I did, however, unfortunately, both my social worker and I ended up thinking the match was not a good fit for my home so I ended up having to pass on the match.  That always puts me in a bad mood only because children are not vehicles or appliances.  Even if I did the best thing for the child by passing so she could then be placed with an appropriate family, the thought process for me is that I rejected a child.  That always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  Children should not ever be in a position where they need to get rejected or passed by.  There are many things about the foster/adoption process that are hard, however, I think that when one says "no" to a match....even if it's the right and best decision due to circumstances....that is the most painful part of the process.  My prayers go out to all the children that need homes and that they end up in the right ones.

And in final news, Tigger will begin ballet/tap lessons tomorrow!

could you just die!  I love tiny dance shoes

Things that make you go hmmmmm

So with that blog post I linked to, tonight had another "hmmmmm" moment.

S needed to make a 2 hour trip to see his daughter tonight instead of hanging at my house like he does every Thursday.  She needed him tonight and that's where I'll leave it at, however, since we (S and I) were texting and we talked because I wanted to know how she was doing and such, I got to talk to S's daughter for the first time.  Here's how that phone call went

A:  Hey there future stepmother
me:  ?????? *nervous laughter* hi sweetie how are you doing?
A: not bad not bad, I just wanted to say hi....can't wait to meet you in person
me:  that would be great actually
A:  My dad showed me pictures of my future stepsister and she is adorable....I bought her some socks, but they may be too small cuz duh I don't know what size she has
me: ???? Wow that is really sweet of you thank you!
.......conversation goes on for about another 2-3 minutes and then she hands the phone back to S.

Did I mention I'm dating a man 9 years older than me and that I am a big whopping 11 years older than his daughter?  yeah, this is me....I've always lived life a little differently.  Hey if what A says does come to pass, I should just hope that I don't turn into the proverbial Cinderella stepmother.....or we can always pretend we're sisters...um no....well....yanno?  My uncle is 6 months younger than I.....it's all good.

As if being a transracial single adoptive mom by choice wasn't different enough!  And that my friends are my hmmmm thoughts.

Hospital part II

So my last post left you all knowing that my precious Tigger was in the hospital.  Last week she stayed home all week long and I stayed home 3 days out of 5 since I could only get help for 2 days.  Tigger was still recovering so it was quite an exhausting week hence no blogging for tired mommy!

Anyways, I told you all that we had some classic "adoption" moments at the hospital.  The first one is the obvious question when we arrived via ambulance.
Nurse: "is there a family history of asthma"?
Me:  ummmm *crickets chirping*  I don't think so? but I'm not positively sure.....
Nurse:  "can you explain?"
Me:  I adopted Tigger and have some medical information but not very extensive so I don't think so but I'm not entirely sure
Nurse: "oh, ok"
Me:  I have a goofy smile on my face....thinking....Oh Lord, this is just the beginning.

the classic shift change bringing in a Nurse that is highly conversational and intrusive albeit a highly "special" one (even though she was nice, she was just special let me tell you)

Nurse:  Oh wow....mom mom where did baby get her curly hair?
S:  squeezes my hand hard.....translation:  you're not telling ms. busybody are you?
Me:  smiling sweetly "oh it runs in the family"
S:  laughs heartily
Room:  laughter.....(I had about 6-8 family visitors constantly)
Nurse:  oh runs in family...yeah I know....my granddaughters are twins....guess what?  they are blonde  BLONDE....(nurse is Asian)
Me:  laughs out of hospital stress and just wanting Ms. Busybody and my well meaning family to exit the room so I can breathe and focus on Tigger

Later S says to me:  "I'm all about honesty and stuff, but really....Ms. Busybody didn't need that information, good answer honey!"
Me:  Thanks babe!

Saturday night, S spent the night at the hospital with Tigger and I and in the morning....oh Ms. Busybody nurse came in and was talking to S in this manner:  "so daddy, have baby sit here with you"
Me:  "......."  I was a bit taken aback
S:  Come here Tigger and sit with me
Me:  mouths 'thanks honey'

Yes the weekend was full of reminders of how un-typical my family is.

What a weekend

What.A.Weekend!

I should begin with saying that both Tigger and I are home and that she is doing well.  Now I get to tell you that Tigger was hospitalized on Friday first for asthma and secondly they found out she had Pneumonia.  It was a rough weekend.  I was stressed out, Tigger looked bad Friday, and I'm switching Pediatricians.

First of all, I had been concerned about her health and had taken her in.....Pediatrician who has not done much for her when she's ill even though her other one had, sent us home telling me she would probably just get better....but to bring her back in if she still had a fever amidst my urging that the only reason she didn't have a fever was because I had given her some Ibuprofen.  Well, she just didn't look well and spiked another fever and that was it, I took her back and sure enough, by that time she was having asthma, and looking horrible enough that the Dr. immediately phoned the Hospital and within the hour we were transported by ambulance over to the hospital where we would stay for the next 2 1/2 days.

Tigger was a champ.....all the nurses fell in love with her, (of course who can resist) because she is an easy patient, she takes all her meds like a champ and doesn't thrash around.  First night in the hospital was just her and I.....luckily the chair in the room was a pull out bed chair although it is more of a cot really, smaller than a twin size bed and I didn't get much sleep....Tigger wasn't having a great night, Oxygen levels were down, and she needed breathing treatments quite regularly.  When we woke up and spoke with the Dr., they had found spotting in her lungs indicative of pneumonia and were going to keep her for one more day.  They also did that viral panel for RSV which then meant Tigger was in isolation and we got to wear awesome hospital gowns and masks so as not to pass out bugs if we went in and out of the room.  While we had family over visiting, Tigger had an asthma attack in front of all of us.....not very cool.  Luckily it calmed down once the nurse was called and she received more inhaler medicine.

The second night went so much better.  Tigger's fever broke and was steady at 97.8, she slept well without having coughing or asthmatic fits, S who had to work Saturday morning so couldn't stay the first night, spent the night at the hospital with us in that small cot....that was a feat!  He was a great help....and he was able to get Tigger to eat more food when I couldn't get her to eat so I was very thankful he was around.

Sunday afternoon we were finally released and now I'm just taking care of her and luckily I have some family that can help take care of her this week as she can't go to preschool for a week.  So I can still go to work some days this week as well.  And that was our summary of the weekend.  When I write next, I'll incorporate how adoption, lack of medical knowledge, and this visit went.  Some funny moments....but really, the first time lack of medical knowledge left a real uneasy feeling, even if the questions were minor.

Don't you love my family in their hospital garb?  Also look at that smile on Tigger, isn't it a wonder the nurses loved her?  She is a happy girl even in the midst of not feeling well

Christmas brings a full circle

Two stories of loss and new life for Christmas.

My darling daughter Tigger was placed with me 2 years ago during the month of December.  I'm very enamoured with her and love being her mom.  Of course her placement didn't come without a story of loss, all foster children little or big come to their new families with a past loss.  I wish nothing but success and happiness for her.  Right now, I"m just happy she is 2 years old and enjoying herself this Christmas and loving life.  Emotions are a funny thing.

This year, I am in love with a wonderful guy.  I just received a delivery of a dozen red roses about 2 hours ago with a note saying simply "I love you, S".  That story also begins with a loss.  7 years ago his wife passed away suddenly and tragically.  He can miss his late wife and we can still be in love together this Christmas.  Emotions are a funny thing.

Here's my Christmas wish.....that we can grow and know that our losses make us who we are, but that our new lives also make us who are too.  May they intertwine and not compete with each other.  Life is a journey.  To the two people I love this Christmas....I love every part of who you both are....the past and the present.

Mommy put herself in time-out

Today was a tough day.  Tigger wanted her underwear but did NOT want to go near the bathroom and then would become upset if there was an accident.  She also whined for many things during the day.  When nap time came I just put her in bed and put myself in time-out.

I'm usually the most patient person, however, the unending screaming and throwing of objects towards me was a bit much.  I don't think Tigger is feeling well so she went to bed early.  I have never hit my child or lost it with her, and I'd like to keep it that way.....at least until the teen years ha ha ha.  Today was just one of those days.  We can have a do-over tomorrow.

You want to know the funny part?  During moments of sane-ness, Tigger would ask for hugs and kisses and I was left thinking that this was the best thing ever and that I'm glad to have time off and to only spend it with her during the daytime.

I'm so glad S came over later and gave me a massage.  That totally helped.  Well, I'm ready for tomorrow.  Time for bed!  Not everyday is a rose garden, but you know what?  We wouldn't appreciate the good if we didn't go through the ugly!

Well it's finally here

As a single working parent, I finally have 2 weeks and 1 day of vacation for winter break.  (Yeah working for the schools)  So what am I doing on this fabulous time off?

Officially potty training Tigger.  Have thought about it since September....but it never took and we were always out on the weekends, so today was day one in Minnie Mouse Undies.  I'm tired, I'm glad she's in bed.  Let's see how tomorrow goes although I have to say 1 major accident and one minor one on the way to the potty isn't bad.  I don't think I'll be able to relax until I have 3 days under my belt and then I probably won't relax.  Yup, so much for relaxing vacations....I think all that finished a while back.  Woo hoo parenting the 2's.

Flying by

Is it just me or is this Christmas season just flying by at super power speed?  Tigger and I have done a lot of stuff this month already.  S and I have done a lot of stuff this month already.  The three of us have done lots of stuff this month.  I can't believe that Christmas is here in a week!

Well here is a glimpse of the life of December:

Christmas program at the church....Tigger dressed as an Angel

Christmas program at Tigger's Preschool in the church next door to it:  They sang five songs and recited a little children's poem with grandparents beaming proudly:

Christmas Tree excitement!  Yes Tigger loves Christmas trees and smiles big for the camera:

And Birthday Parties galore.  Who knew Tigger had so many friends with December birthdays:

Our family loves to go look at lights.  Luckily we live semi-close to a neighborhood that has an extravagant display of lights:

And of course December wouldn't be December without a family picture:

Here's hoping the Christmas season is bringing joy in your life as it has to mine!

2 Years ago

on 12/15/2009 I brought this little one home and was absolutely excited and terrified beyond words.

She is now a 2 year old that I dearly love and constantly read, pray, and seek other mommy counsel so I can raise her the best way I can.

I love you my dear one....through the good days and the not so good days, never a moment goes by that I don't think of you!

The Con of Single parenting

No matter how altruistic your plans are....when you date, even when things are awesome, even when you shield  your kid from too much of the other person, your kid still breaks your heart and reminds you of why single parenting is hard.

Tonight Tigger was asking me about S.  I told her S doesn't live at the house and he was at work....that maybe she will see him on the weekend for a little bit.  She sat down and cried and asked me to open the door so that "S" could come in.

Sigh, as much as I try to keep it cool, she "knows"...and now Tigger likes S a lot and S really likes Tigger and is fun to be around when Tigger is with us even in a group.

Prayers for our family please!

And then life got interesting....

Hello friends out in blogosphere!

If you haven't noticed, my posts have been far and few in between.  I love this blog.  If I have any thoughts about parenting or adoption I still think about bringing it here, especially single parenting by choice.

Starting and maintaining the blog was easy.  I had thoughts, I was able to write in the evenings after the little one was in bed.  Life was smooth and uncomplicated.

I have been incredibly happy and complete!  I also made the choice not to actively date and to focus on my child  until she was older....and if by some reason some guy literally fell into my lap then ok I would consider but the possibility of that happening was very unlikely and I was very ok with that.

Can you guess what I'm about to say?  Yes, a guy literally fell into my lap.  I was secretly set-up by a mom friend and was invited to a lunch after church along with another friend of this family.  No expectations, they were hoping we'd be friends.  Well, we are friends.  The dating kind now.  It complicates life.  My Tigger is first and foremost.  After she is in bed, my new friend calls and we are slowly getting to know each other through the phone at night (when I usually was busy blogging) and we are able to see each other on the weekends.

Juggling parenthood and now dating is sometimes complicated.  I don't want to be one of those single moms that have guys coming in and out of a child's life.  My Tigger didn't sign up for that, heck she didn't sign up to end up with me either, and I am not willing to bring instability to Tigger's life.  I have already had the chat with my gentlemen friend about his intentions and that if he just wanted to play....he could look elsewhere, I have no time for it.  He received the message and has decided to stay in the picture.

Life is good.  Life is complicated.  I never thought this would be a turn I would be taking at this point in life.  If any of my readers especially the single mama's have any experience with this (ahem  MAMA MARGIE......I NEED YOUR SUPPORT AND ADVICE....E-MAIL ME) please feel free to offer any advice and mentor me!

Now that things have settled into the new normal of parenting first and dating second....I plan to continue my blog, however, I am still hoping to post about single parenting and adoption/foster care mostly.  That is how I started my blog and that's how I'd like to continue it.  I just thought I'd let you all in as to why I've been absent lately.

I looked around yesterday, I looked around today, and I'm sure I'll look around tomorrow

And I hope you will see someone who is content with life.  Before Tigger, I was content.  Sure I always wanted to be a mom, but really I was living the content life, enjoying my small house, work, and family.

I will not lie, I looked around and knew that I could provide a home and it's natural for individuals to be in constant communion with others and so I tried to provide a home and Tigger came into my life.  I am living the content life, enjoying my still small house, 2 year old, and family.

I think about the future.  An older child, maybe lots of ups and downs...maybe more relationships????, who knows....but I pray and hope that contentment is still a companion.  Why?  because life is not predictable.  If I don't enjoy my today's for all it's ups/downs and insecurities (yeah my state can't get it's budget together) there is never a promise of tomorrow.

My goal in life is to live each day content with my life.  I look around...my small house, the laughter I hear in the next room from Tigger, I smile and I know, I am living a life that even Kings and Queens would envy!

I hope that each of you that stop by and read here hug your families more and really just stop the madness and enjoy the life that is yours.  It may not be perfect or how you envisioned it, however, it is enough...and when you know you that you have enough, added blessings are like treasure!

Tigger and her cousin playing a game only 2 year olds would find amusing....run and fall into the grass

Fall is upon us

I've been kinda bad in the photo taking department as of late.  However, I hope to have some new pictures soon since the Fall brings fun stuff to do like pumpkin patches, hikes, walks, carving pumpkins etc.  My different assignment at work keeps me busy and so I don't get to view new articles about adoption like I used to.  However, it's not an all bad thing.  Still have a few posts in draft version almost ready to post so hopefully my groove will be back.

Tigger loves preschool now.  She is learning so much.  The language I hear, while still not in conversation mode surprises me every so often.  She knows the colors pink and yellow.  She can count to 10 minus the numbers 4 and 7.  She has the weirdest vocabulary.  (I mean I don't remember teaching her what a snake was, or the word "asleep", because we either use mimi or night night at home) She sings songs, knows 15 body parts thanks to preschool songs and my own teachings, points to pictures in books, and is starting to use 2 word phrases more often.  She still has that whiny sound accompanied by gestures when she wants something, and that is something I'm trying to diminish by having her tell me "I want _____" or telling her to calm down and show me so I can then give her the words she needs.  Her articulation leaves much to be desired....however I can understand her approximately 70% of the time, so all in all I think my child is developing in speech and language.  My capabilities in this area since it is my area of expertise is way better with kids I'm not related to!

Thanks blogosphere for letting me "brag" about Tigger.  I love that little girl!

Yes it's been a while

I have some posts mulling in my head and in draft, I've also been going out since fall brings carnivals, Pumpkin patches and their kiddie stuff are opening all around, and I'm channeling June Cleaver and have been baking muffins and making cornbread, actually preparing meals from scratch for Tigger lately.  It's been pretty neat.  I hope to get busy back on here soon.  I miss posting daily!

Tips for Successfully Navigating the Preschool Drop-off!

I'm a single parent and the only one bringing income into my family so it's kinda obvious that I use preschool/daycare options for my Tigger.  Tigger isn't naturally an extrovert or a happy morning person but we've seemed to manage and get the most out of our separations.  I'd thought I'd go and leave my wisdom for any new moms out there who are terrified of leaving their kids at the daycare/preschool and how to make sure it becomes successful for both mother and child.  I've compiled my own Do's and Don'ts and thought I'd share.

DO'S

• Do tour the facility with your child before he/she starts.  This way your child can see the kids they'll be playing with and meeting the adults in the classroom
• Do pack a lunch if possible.  I know some places have lunch provided, however, with your own lunch, you can be creative and know what your child is eating is truly healthy
• Do make their lunches fun.  I've found that Tigger eats more when the sandwiches are cut in cute shapes and there is a variety of fruit, veggies, and the main course is different every day
• Do chat it up in the car before school and after school on the way home.  Sing.....not only does it relieve stress it promotes language development (you can't tell I'm a Speech Therapist can't you ha!)
• Do the "assignments" given to them with them and promote it as the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Even if you're busy or tired from work, it's great together time and it shows that when need to finish something, we do it quickly and concisely.  
• Do let your child know you are leaving and give them a kiss goodbye.  Not only do kids learn to separate in a healthy way, but children like Tigger who are more sensitive and not "crowd" people, will learn that school is important and that sometimes we need to go and be in places that we don't like but it is part of the routine and it will be over soon.  
• Do give the head teacher a small gift from time to time for holidays or teachers appreciation week.  Child development teachers as well as all teachers in general get a bad reputation or get talked badly about most of the time whether in the political world or with people that don't understand what teachers do all day....the teacher will appreciate the gesture of gratitude.  

DON'T

• Don't prolong your goodbye's.  It doesn't do the child any good, makes them more anxious and less likely to calm themselves in a timely manner after you leave.  If you must cry because you are feeling sad, wait until you're in the car.  I've done it, but I learned that however hard it is, to say my goodbyes and go to the car....the result, my child has no separation issues when it comes to school and she's happy to be there even if she's just as happy to leave when I get there in the afternoon.  
• Don't leave when your child is busy without saying goodbye.  Tigger needed to know I was going to come back for her.  Saying goodbye tells the child that this is the routine, yet that they are loved and they can go about their day.  
• Don't stop communication with the school.  You need to know what's going on.  Does your child exhibit behaviors there that are not the norm in your house or vice versa?  The exchange of ideas can help a child be at his/her best in all settings not just school and not just home.  
• Don't keep your kid in a school you don't feel comfortable in.  If you've done everything a parent should do in order to have your child be emotionally healthy at school and your kid is unhappy or hates going to school (if you're bad mouthing school in general without reason, prolonging your goodbyes with phrases like "my poor baby...mommy's sorry you have to stay here" this doesn't count!) go see what is happening and change schools until one is a good fit.

Sometimes children need to be in preschool or daycare.  If that is the case, make sure you optimize the best opportunity for both of you to be happy, healthy, and thriving.  

What we are up to lately in this household.

After my last 2 posts, thought I'd come in with something light and fun.  These days our household is filled with

• Blues Clues
• Baking
• Reading lots of books for bedtime
• Doing homework for preschool (really? she's 2!)  This week it was working on identifying the square shape around the house and becoming aware of the colors red and yellow.  And on the Yellow Square Tigger had to tell me what pictures to put on there from magazines of stuff she likes.  The warning came for us to do it with our child so they could talk about it to the best of their abilities in the language center.  Well alrighty then....did I mention she's 2?  
• Big girl started taking showers instead of daily Baths....now there are some baths, but showers are happening.
• I have a glimpse of what teenage years will be like (if it's true that the 2 year old year are a foreshadow of things to come).  For approximately 20 min. after picking up from school, I must not touch her legs (reach back and pat her legs while she's in her car seat), talk to her, or be overly happy.....apparently this time is one where she says "no" or "uh uh" angrily and wants downtime or to be left alone without attention....I guess it's her way of regrouping.  I tried to get her out of this and was met with an attitude AND a look.  Ok then, I get it.....it's the regrouping time for you....mami now understands.  
• Funny things.....e.g. now bedtime prayers has Tigger putting her baby and big bird kneeling beside her and she makes them fold their hands while we pray.  She is a great imitator of everything I do....so I have to watch it because I have an intense sponge
• Did I mention Blues Clues?  Oh I did?  well add some more Blues Clues to that.  

And that is what life is like right now.  

The fair!

It's that time of year again.  Yep that's right, the all encompassing county fair that one attends to every year.  I really don't know why, after all one spends atrocious money on things you don't need but are so sure it's the best deal ever,  (I always laugh when I think of going to the fair because I have a few Bill Engvall cds, and he has some jokes about county fairs) you end up getting sucked into eating like a glutton, and in case you haven't noticed, everything can be deep fried ha!

BUT, the fair is fun, and if one has a child, it's even more fun because they have the animal exhibit, the pony rides that cost ten million dollars for two laps, but you do it because it brings smiles to both parent and child, you see and get highly involved in pig races, you see the smelly farm animal, ride the carnival rides, spend more money, see cool exhibits, go to the shops and spend more money...see some ice cream from the farms where they milk the cows and yet spend more money while your pants are getting tighter around your waist....well you get the drift!

We went to the fair today.  We packed my parents in there, made it at opening time so we only had to pay the $1 entrance fee since it's opening weekend available for the first 3 hours, waited until 1pm where then they were selling fountain drinks for $1 in celebration of opening weekend....it was quite the experience.  Of course Tigger did NOT take a nap so the inevitable meltdown happened at 6pm until I finally had her in bed by 7:20pm, however, honestly the great day was worth the evening meltdown...oh it was worth it.  Have I told you that Tigger is a dream child when it comes to going out?  I wish I could say it's because I'm a kick butt mom, but I just think it's her personality....at least when we go out, she eats everything so I can take her to a restaurant after an event and it will go great, she loves outings and will hold it together until back in the car or the house.  Dream child....great times we had.

We had fun in the dinosaur exhibit.  It was way cool

First pony ride by herself

This is her 'proud' face

We found Peter Rabbit

Daisy the Cow

more Daisy....a live Daisy the cow

A little confused about feeding goats

Personal space issues

This is my favorite exhibit of the whole day....hmmm trains....love it!

Yes can you say "ca-ching" but every child needs a blow up animal toy that they whine and beg you for

Every child needs grandpa's shoulders and to look ghetto by putting her princess crown on backwards

If you live near an area where they do county/state fairs, I wholly approve anyone's desire to go.  It's quite the experience.