A lot of information to share

And yes you all will get the story!  It is just past midnight where I am at and I need some sleep after an exciting day.  In the next 24 hours you will hear about 2 stories:

1) Story #1  My decision to put adoption plans of a 2nd child on hold

2) Story #2  I'M ENGAGED!!!!! and my engagement story !!!!!!

Stay tuned.  Since I am on Spring Break and S works very long hours on Wednesday, I will have time to write.  Until then friends.  Have a great night and morning!

Things that make you go hmmmmm

So with that blog post I linked to, tonight had another "hmmmmm" moment.

S needed to make a 2 hour trip to see his daughter tonight instead of hanging at my house like he does every Thursday.  She needed him tonight and that's where I'll leave it at, however, since we (S and I) were texting and we talked because I wanted to know how she was doing and such, I got to talk to S's daughter for the first time.  Here's how that phone call went

A:  Hey there future stepmother
me:  ?????? *nervous laughter* hi sweetie how are you doing?
A: not bad not bad, I just wanted to say hi....can't wait to meet you in person
me:  that would be great actually
A:  My dad showed me pictures of my future stepsister and she is adorable....I bought her some socks, but they may be too small cuz duh I don't know what size she has
me: ???? Wow that is really sweet of you thank you!
.......conversation goes on for about another 2-3 minutes and then she hands the phone back to S.

Did I mention I'm dating a man 9 years older than me and that I am a big whopping 11 years older than his daughter?  yeah, this is me....I've always lived life a little differently.  Hey if what A says does come to pass, I should just hope that I don't turn into the proverbial Cinderella stepmother.....or we can always pretend we're sisters...um no....well....yanno?  My uncle is 6 months younger than I.....it's all good.

As if being a transracial single adoptive mom by choice wasn't different enough!  And that my friends are my hmmmm thoughts.

What a weekend

What.A.Weekend!

I should begin with saying that both Tigger and I are home and that she is doing well.  Now I get to tell you that Tigger was hospitalized on Friday first for asthma and secondly they found out she had Pneumonia.  It was a rough weekend.  I was stressed out, Tigger looked bad Friday, and I'm switching Pediatricians.

First of all, I had been concerned about her health and had taken her in.....Pediatrician who has not done much for her when she's ill even though her other one had, sent us home telling me she would probably just get better....but to bring her back in if she still had a fever amidst my urging that the only reason she didn't have a fever was because I had given her some Ibuprofen.  Well, she just didn't look well and spiked another fever and that was it, I took her back and sure enough, by that time she was having asthma, and looking horrible enough that the Dr. immediately phoned the Hospital and within the hour we were transported by ambulance over to the hospital where we would stay for the next 2 1/2 days.

Tigger was a champ.....all the nurses fell in love with her, (of course who can resist) because she is an easy patient, she takes all her meds like a champ and doesn't thrash around.  First night in the hospital was just her and I.....luckily the chair in the room was a pull out bed chair although it is more of a cot really, smaller than a twin size bed and I didn't get much sleep....Tigger wasn't having a great night, Oxygen levels were down, and she needed breathing treatments quite regularly.  When we woke up and spoke with the Dr., they had found spotting in her lungs indicative of pneumonia and were going to keep her for one more day.  They also did that viral panel for RSV which then meant Tigger was in isolation and we got to wear awesome hospital gowns and masks so as not to pass out bugs if we went in and out of the room.  While we had family over visiting, Tigger had an asthma attack in front of all of us.....not very cool.  Luckily it calmed down once the nurse was called and she received more inhaler medicine.

The second night went so much better.  Tigger's fever broke and was steady at 97.8, she slept well without having coughing or asthmatic fits, S who had to work Saturday morning so couldn't stay the first night, spent the night at the hospital with us in that small cot....that was a feat!  He was a great help....and he was able to get Tigger to eat more food when I couldn't get her to eat so I was very thankful he was around.

Sunday afternoon we were finally released and now I'm just taking care of her and luckily I have some family that can help take care of her this week as she can't go to preschool for a week.  So I can still go to work some days this week as well.  And that was our summary of the weekend.  When I write next, I'll incorporate how adoption, lack of medical knowledge, and this visit went.  Some funny moments....but really, the first time lack of medical knowledge left a real uneasy feeling, even if the questions were minor.

Don't you love my family in their hospital garb?  Also look at that smile on Tigger, isn't it a wonder the nurses loved her?  She is a happy girl even in the midst of not feeling well

Moving forward

Well during this week, I had S over two times for dinner and TV.  He's getting to be quite regular around here!

I also practiced more hairstyles on my Tigger and feel like I can do her hair justice and can always improve.  It's been a good week.

2012 Goals for the year

Here we go:

1.  start living a healthy lifestyle and maintaining it:
     a) regular exercise.....doesn't matter how much weight is lost, but the exercise is what is important
     b) eating more meals that are homemade instead of out of a can or drive through....this includes LUNCHES

2.  Make sure to buy something for me as well every month....while outward beauty isn't everything, taking time to look presentable sends a strong message of self-esteem that is a positive influence in one's life and in your child's life

3.  Change from checks going out every month to online bill pay (I hate changes that involve the internet)

4.  Save more money

5.  Plan a true vacation outside of CA for the summer of 2012

MONTHLY GOALS:

1.  Clean the fridge monthly instead of when I think about it

2.  Shred old papers monthly

3.  organize drawers and closets in a room....dedicate one month to one room until it is purged and organized

4.  Read more than 2 books during this year....(I blame TV and DVR for this.....but I need to read more)

Let's see how these goal pan out.  Day by day!

From my house to yours

I hope this Thanksgiving brings about warm memories.  Tigger and I are doing well and just enjoying time together with family.

Poor S gets to spend Thanksgiving with my family and he is a big football fan and my folks aren't and usually have the TV off so we'll see how it goes.  Ah young love, he is sucking it up and coming anyways.  What a guy.  I told him he could go out with my cousins and check out game scores if he really gets antsy.

Hopefully you all are enjoying some great food by now or later in the day.

Peace and Joy from our house to yours!

And then life got interesting....

Hello friends out in blogosphere!

If you haven't noticed, my posts have been far and few in between.  I love this blog.  If I have any thoughts about parenting or adoption I still think about bringing it here, especially single parenting by choice.

Starting and maintaining the blog was easy.  I had thoughts, I was able to write in the evenings after the little one was in bed.  Life was smooth and uncomplicated.

I have been incredibly happy and complete!  I also made the choice not to actively date and to focus on my child  until she was older....and if by some reason some guy literally fell into my lap then ok I would consider but the possibility of that happening was very unlikely and I was very ok with that.

Can you guess what I'm about to say?  Yes, a guy literally fell into my lap.  I was secretly set-up by a mom friend and was invited to a lunch after church along with another friend of this family.  No expectations, they were hoping we'd be friends.  Well, we are friends.  The dating kind now.  It complicates life.  My Tigger is first and foremost.  After she is in bed, my new friend calls and we are slowly getting to know each other through the phone at night (when I usually was busy blogging) and we are able to see each other on the weekends.

Juggling parenthood and now dating is sometimes complicated.  I don't want to be one of those single moms that have guys coming in and out of a child's life.  My Tigger didn't sign up for that, heck she didn't sign up to end up with me either, and I am not willing to bring instability to Tigger's life.  I have already had the chat with my gentlemen friend about his intentions and that if he just wanted to play....he could look elsewhere, I have no time for it.  He received the message and has decided to stay in the picture.

Life is good.  Life is complicated.  I never thought this would be a turn I would be taking at this point in life.  If any of my readers especially the single mama's have any experience with this (ahem  MAMA MARGIE......I NEED YOUR SUPPORT AND ADVICE....E-MAIL ME) please feel free to offer any advice and mentor me!

Now that things have settled into the new normal of parenting first and dating second....I plan to continue my blog, however, I am still hoping to post about single parenting and adoption/foster care mostly.  That is how I started my blog and that's how I'd like to continue it.  I just thought I'd let you all in as to why I've been absent lately.

I looked around yesterday, I looked around today, and I'm sure I'll look around tomorrow

And I hope you will see someone who is content with life.  Before Tigger, I was content.  Sure I always wanted to be a mom, but really I was living the content life, enjoying my small house, work, and family.

I will not lie, I looked around and knew that I could provide a home and it's natural for individuals to be in constant communion with others and so I tried to provide a home and Tigger came into my life.  I am living the content life, enjoying my still small house, 2 year old, and family.

I think about the future.  An older child, maybe lots of ups and downs...maybe more relationships????, who knows....but I pray and hope that contentment is still a companion.  Why?  because life is not predictable.  If I don't enjoy my today's for all it's ups/downs and insecurities (yeah my state can't get it's budget together) there is never a promise of tomorrow.

My goal in life is to live each day content with my life.  I look around...my small house, the laughter I hear in the next room from Tigger, I smile and I know, I am living a life that even Kings and Queens would envy!

I hope that each of you that stop by and read here hug your families more and really just stop the madness and enjoy the life that is yours.  It may not be perfect or how you envisioned it, however, it is enough...and when you know you that you have enough, added blessings are like treasure!

Tigger and her cousin playing a game only 2 year olds would find amusing....run and fall into the grass

I Wonder What Life Would Have Been Like.....

Do you ever ponder that?  "I wonder what my life would have been like.....if _________"?  For the most part I don't, however, every so often I do wonder.  This past weekend with the 4th of July and family get togethers, my aunt had a PBS documentary on DVD about Cuba and it's music.  (In case you all forgot my family is Cuban and my cousins and I happen to be 1st generation born outside of Cuba...which means most of my family happen to be immigrants) 

Well as we start watching this DVD, it invokes nostalgia for the older folks and of course I get drawn into the whole family culture and stories.  Even my dad was pretend dancing with Tigger (if you know our family you'll know this is funny because our particular denomination isn't fond of dancing in general) At one point my mother was wistful and stated "It's too bad that Castro ended up the way he did, can you imagine if we could have stayed and had a nice life with the music and beautiful countryside/beaches etc."? Then she went on to say what she missed about the good times before the country really got bad under Castro. 

Of course our family is happy to be here in the USA.  It gave my family freedom.....politics, religion, education, free speech, none of that is taken for granted in our family.  I love my small townhouse, I love that my parents could come from having $200 dollars in the bank when they got married til now where they own a home and we have a comfortable life.  But I also wonder what life might have been if people didn't feel the need to leave the country of our origin?  Where would we be now?  Cubans have pride in their culture and in their past....we recite poetry and we play music....and many of the older folks sometimes still talk about "the past" as if maybe we'll acheive it one day.  The reality is, we won't. But it is nice to talk about it and remember and listen to our parent's stories. 

I had a co-worker (she retired) that is also Cuban and she was one of the original kids that came into the USA after Castro....during operation Pedro Pan in the early '60s.  That was the first wave.  My parents did not come through this method, but after the freedom flights were negotiated in '65, both families (obviously my parents didn't know each other then) put in for visa's to leave under the freedom flights.  It took until '69 for both my parents to leave the country. 

My dad came by himself at 14 years of age....that was a miracle, if he would have been 15 he would have had to go to the military (mandatory) and wouldn't have been able to leave....his plane went to Spain where he was taken in by a Seventh Day Adventist family for a while before being able to come to New Jersey to live with an aunt.  Luckily for him, his dad, my grandfather was able to come out to Puerto Rico....so after that happened he stayed the school years with his dad and then spent the summers with his aunt in New Jersey.

My mother's family was also very fortunate that all of their names were called to leave at the same time....many families were split during these times.  Leaving with only the clothes they had, my grandmother had a brother that resided in New Jersey and so that is where they were sent.  And that is the state where my parent's met. 

Before my mother's family left, my mom's uncle...another brother of my grandmother's came to visit and scowl at them.  He had joined the ranks of the Revolution and was a high official in Castro's regime.  His visit was mainly to flaunt his power over whether or not they could leave, and then if their minds were made up, he exclaimed that they as a family were dead to him. 

My parents have interesting stories.  Bizarre stories.  Sad stories.  Some of them like my dad and aunt (mom's sister) want to go back to Cuba to visit and to reminice....other's like my mom just can't fathom going back there...she will get nostalgic, but is apprehensive about going.  My aunt and her were going to go...after my grandmother's death in '09 my aunt really wanted to go just for closure....but my mom couldn't continue plans to go, she just wasn't sure there wouldn't be a problem and she wouldn't be able to come back....she has that fear. 

Anyways why is this on my blog?  It has nothing to do with raising Tigger nor it has anything to do with adoption....well.....does it? 

As I was thinking about Cuba this weekend and my parent's past, it dawned on me that someone may understand this line of thinking, however, when a person that was adopted starts questioning where they come from and talks of searching and going into reunion start....there are all sorts of judgements made about people.  Why are they searching....aren't they happy with the life they had?  Don't they love their [adoptive] parents? 

Why do we ask these questions of individuals?  Do you think I or my family love the USA any less just because we wonder what life would have been like if our families didn't have to leave Cuba?  Are we less patriotic on the 4th of July because we chat, play dominos, and talk about Cuba pre-Castro?  I don't think so.....and so I venture to guess that adult adoptees or younger teens that question about their origins, families have a natural curiosity and wonder about what "that life might have been like"....it doesn't make them think less of their current family does it?  I would argue NO.  My hope is that when Tigger is older, that these experiences with family like this past weekend remind me and make me sympathetic and have true understanding of why this is important, during times of questions and if there are searches made.

Since it is a post about my family's era I thought I'd throw in a few youtube exerpts....the first two are short and the last one is a decent report they did on 3 or 4 operation pedro pan children (now all grown up)  It's really interesting, the report is in 5 segments so longer than my first 2 exerpts.

 



This is the report.  It's in 5 segments....after the first segment is finished you can click on 2/5, then 3/5 etc.  I do caution that if you have little people in the room, the second segment has images of the firing squad so please advise.

(Adult) Milestones and Maturity

I was a very imaginative child growing up.  I had no brothers or sisters so my room was mine and my stuffed animals were my very own for church/school/house playing purposes.  I baptized many stuffed animals, I played concerts for my "friends" and the animals were family members playing house or the casualties when I played with my matchbox cars. 
I also had these visions of what I would feel when I achieved certain goals.  I would feel grown up when I graduated, I would marry and be mature, I would be the cool mom who didn't forget anything and did everything.  I would sometimes convince myself I would never act "old" and then I would sometimes say that I would act my age with dignity. 

Well then life happens.  Graduating from high school was just fun!  We were 17/18 years of age, we were just excited to march.  Then graduation from college happened.  When I walked on the stage to receive my diploma, there was no "magical" moment, no opening from the heavens with an angelic choir singing "hummmm" or anything.....in short, I didn't feel all that different.  Graduating from Graduate school was a happy event, I was really tired and exhausted from working full time and attending school full time for 2 straight years (had to work during that summer in between as an intern at a hospital/outpatient setting from 8-5pm for 10 weeks....so no break between years) and so if I would have had skates on, I would have rolled with happiness down that aisle....but I didn't feel all that different, just relieved. 

Turning 30 was fun and it has been my best year to date, however, I didn't "feel" 30......well what is 30 supposed to feel like?  Nothing really "changed" me, yet I keep getting older and thinking, when is that magical maturity going to set in? 

Never married so don't know if that would have done the trick, but now in parenting there are some changes I can see.  I don't go to bed past midnight, I have to make sure I have 3 good meals for Tigger plus snacks...every day....she is not a bachelorette nor a college student that skips meals or eats Top Ramen Noodles to save on cash.  She needs stuff.(diapers, milk, food, consistency, sleep) and whether or not I feel a magical maturity or not, I have to deliver. 

Is this the magic maturing that I always envisioned happening?  maybe....maybe not.  However, as I get older, I see that certain things do define us even if there isn't a voice coming down from Heaven or a magical feeling.  In these subtleties, it is up to us to rise to the challenge.  And do I act my age?  well maybe, but more often than not.....not really.  The important thing is to be content and do what needs to be done for whatever stage of life one happens to be in. 

These have been random thoughts by yours truly.  Have a great day!

How to Traumatize your Mother and your Daughter all at once

Well I had this awesome weekend to look forward to.  Memorial day weekend is always around my birthday so since today is the official day my parents and my aunt had stuff planned for me.  Yesterday was going to be an afternoon on the beach with some ice cream my parents were going to buy for me (mmm chocolate and coffee mixed together) and then Sunday my aunt was having us over for a Birthday dinner with cake!  um YUM. 

Well I woke up Friday morning with a sore throat and feeling funky.  I did go to work but left midday to take a nap as I had developed a fever.  Friday night we went to my parents house and my mom was so excited because she had my favorite meal planned and then immediately got disappointed when she saw how ill I looked.  I did enjoy her meal though, but as the evening went on, the fever came and didn't really let up until the morning. 

I woke up, to my daughter making toddler noises and running around my parent's house with her toys and I went down the hallway to join in the fun.  And that is the last thing I remember.........until I came to and was wondering why I was on the floor and why the paramedics were on the way. 

The following is what happened as told to me by my mother who saw the whole thing:

I was at the end of the hallway, Tigger was trying to close the guest bedroom door and I went forward, then my mom saw me acting funny and pass out, hitting my head in an ugly manner against the door frame.  Apparently my head jerked forward, I said "OUCH" and landed on the floor not moving. 

When I came to, my dad is hovering over me, Tigger has a wide-eyed expression and is saying "mami, mami" and I"m like uh what happened and my head hurts.  Apparently the way my head jerked and I fell my mom thought I had broken my neck or that I was dead so she called 911. 

The paramedics came and did all sorts of tests but my blood pressure was ridiculously low so I was whisked away in an ambulance to the hospital to see if my head was fine and see if they could up my blood pressure.  As they wheel me away I hear Tigger start crying mournfully. 

Spent the better part of the day in the hospital with the IV and running all sorts of test and had a lovely CAT scan done to make sure my head was still ok.  (well I mean intact, I'm sure my head is quite crazy on any other day) I still had that nasty sore throat and it so happened I had a nasty throat infection so I also got some hard core drugs through the IV...woo hoo.  Since everything came out ok, I was free and clear to go home after I passed the bedside blood pressure test. 

So.....no Beach and no awesome ice cream for me....boo

And my throat was still killing me last night, still battling with a fever so no awesome dinner at my aunt's house today for my birthday.....boo.

And since my daughter did see me take off some of the sicker pads the hospital uses for vitals, yesterday, today she found some stickers and put them on her tummy and on her arm and was telling me she had "owies"  like "mami".  Poor child.  I'll be paying for counseling bills later on in life I'm sure. 

Oh and the best part was that a neighbor came by later that day and my dad went outside to talk to him.  This neighbor didn't want to be nosey but also wanted to know what happened.  So my dad gave him the run down and then the neighbor (which my dad said smelled profusely like alcohol) told my dad "don't worry, God is in control....it just wasn't her day to die"  well alright dude thanks for that!

So not the birthday weekend I envisioned, however, I am having a good day resting and I think the drugs given to me yesterday are starting to work today.  So cheers to year 33.....it started off with a BANG!

Memories...ahhh....sweet Memories!

different flames of Bunsen Burners...ooohhhh cool!!!!!

Ok, one of my extremely guilty pleasures of life right now is to head on over to Laura's blog and read.  (warning, I will link to it, however, it does use strong language and her humor is something I cackle at, but may not amuse everyone....you've been warned) Well she was talking about Catholic school and all that jazz and I was rolling.  It was seriously funny. 

So it got me thinking about the old days.  Now we didn't have nuns at our Seventh-Day-Adventist Schools nor corporal punishment, but it seems as though we kids had highly creative minds.  So creative it would get us in trouble.  For example. 

It was an afternoon like any afternoon.  7th grade science lab, working in our groups and we were doing something with HCl (Hydrochloric acid) and beakers and Bunsen burners.  I forgot what we were doing, but I was excited by the Bunsen burners...mmmm fire!  So of course I stop listening to the teacher (sorry Ms. V) and our group starts turning the Bunsen burner on and high....whooooooo awesome!  I was also very hyper at that age and had a syringe full of HCl already.  Talking animatedly with my hands I guess I squirted the HCl....well it traveled through the Bunsen burner which was whooooosh on at a really high level so the flame would be huge and it landed on another student's butt.  Well, let's just say flames started shooting from the jeans of this poor student and his butt started burning.  I freaked, my lab partner (who was a guy) bent over this poor unsuspecting student and started SPANKING the fire out.  Luckily the poor student didn't burn to death and my lab partner did spank the fire right out of him. 

Our teacher turned and saw the spanking and demanded to know what was going on.  Well....I start in and say that we were just fooling around....ummmm yeah I definitely had brains back then HA!  We had a time out before we could go back and our teacher lectured us on why we should not fool around while working with chemicals.  I'd hate to think what would have happened if Ms. V actually knew what had happened! 

Thanks Laura for igniting my brain cells to remember this event in history.  I have literally lit a fire under someones butt! 

My poor child....I am not naive so I will be watching her like a hawk.  I know what happens at school and with friends. 

Tackling the tough questions [for me]

Last week my two posts on ‘adoption as an option’ located here and here resulted in some high reader traffic as well as some facebook dialogue and private e-mails. I must say I enjoyed the civility and honest opinions and questions that came about because of what I had written What I want to do today is to provide some of my thoughts in regards to questions or ponderings that have come about since then. I am not doing this post to make fun of great questions, commentaries, nor ponderings that have made themselves known to me through comments or private messages, I am doing this post because adoption is complex and I don’t think one really grasps that until there are honest posts about different subjects within adoption. I also think that many questions or statements were done with no malicious thoughts, ergo why I’m really proud to say that I have some great friends and online friends…you guys rock!


There are also typical stereotypes that come from either Lifetime movies or Law & Order episodes, or sensational news items which then many people take and generalize to all adoption families or scenarios. Here are my thoughts to the questions that followed....

What about in situations where a single mother kept her baby and then the baby entered foster care because the mother wasn’t ready to be a mom? Wouldn’t it have been better for a woman to have considered adoption?

What a point blank observation/question and a hard one at that! Thank you to a couple of people who asked in both an open way and a private way. My thoughts on this question are that we as human beings have choices in life. Every option is a choice….to have sex or not to have sex. If one becomes pregnant, whatever your beliefs are, your choices are to a) have an abortion b) consider adoption c) parent the child.

Without rhyme or reason, I’ve personally seen and read about women with horrible pasts and literally not have any knowledge about resources become completely changed by a pregnancy and for the sake of the child “turn around” and persevere through unthinkable odds. I’ve seen and witnessed women who have had a crappy childhood and just repeat the cycle. However, my first phrase is that there is no rhyme or reason why some continue the cycle and some rise up and overcome. Without going into platitudes of “who are we to decide who will persevere and who will not” it is still a mystery because of personal choice. So I leave it up to women to make their own choices. Unfortunately because we do live in a fallen world (my belief system) some women will not choose wisely and the state intervenes.

I will reiterate though that the state doesn’t put a child in an adoptive home or foster/adoptive home with the initial thought being adoption. Reunification is always the primary goal and the state will give parents programs to attend, resources, and job/work help in order to help parents overcome and continue parenting in a healthy way. It’s only after everything has been tried that the decision is made for them.

What about the fact that sometimes it seems as though adoptive parents are beat over the head with guilt over being happy over parenting our children?

I am so not a fan of parenting out of a place of guilt. If one can’t tell from random posts I put on my blog. I am the queen of cheesiness when it comes to my child. I am very happy parenting her and my everyday life is not filled with “woe is me, I need to ponder the sadness of Tigger’s mother every second of the day” type thoughts. It really isn’t. The point of my blogging and bringing up adoption issues every so often is to show how some things are really borne out of grief and loss. Yes parenting my child brings me joy, no I don’t have guilt over that, however, I do respect that there was loss associated with adoption and depending on how Tigger sorts it out in her mind, I need to respect that sometimes adoption feelings may not be all rosy and peachy with her in the future.

As moms there are plenty of ‘mommy wars’ to gear up to make us feel guilty. Did we breastfeed or not, are we SAHM or Work outside of the home moms, did we have fertility issues or not. There will always be nasty stuff out there to deal with as a mom. I don’t advocate parenting from a place of guilt. When we do, that’s when parenting mistakes that shouldn’t have been made ARE made (and I’m not talking about mistakes that we all will do throughout our lifetime). If one feels that they are having negative feelings or feelings of guilt and are having a hard time parenting, I would respectfully put it out there that maybe some short term counseling is needed. Not because one is a failure, but because sometimes an outside opinion is warranted and truly helpful in the long run. Our children deserve parents that parent…..not a parent that is guided by guilt or any other places of pain whatever that may be.

Is adoption really that complex?

This question was really asked out of curiosity, not with malice. I didn’t used to think so. I was wrong. I’m ok with knowing I was very naïve about it when I was younger. Some online friends of mine have always said that it’s tiresome to explain that they love their mom and dad (adoptive parents) yet they want adoption reform and will fight for that….because they will get classified as ‘angry’ about adoption and their upbringing must have been just awful. They say over and over again that it’s quite possible to hope for reform and fight for ethics in adoption and search for birth family without having ill feelings or loving their adoptive families any less.

I can see where they are coming from. I can be quite cheesy and I love my daughter with intensity and still grieve her loss without it canceling out my feelings of joy in having her as my daughter. Having these two feelings do not interfere with each other. They are what they are.

That is all for today. I received a doosie of a question that needs its own post. I hope these thoughts have been helpful in some way. Maybe gets more dialogue or thinking going on.

I’ll say it again….I have the best friends both in real life and online a gal could ask for!

Recovering from the Weekend (go '96)

So I’ve had a day to process my weekend and get over this nasty head cold that I’ve been battling for the past few days. Saturday morning all the honor classes had the option of attending a service at the school where we graduated from, so I went and took the Tigger along. Now, I was a little mama bearish and stifling protective of Tigger as for some reason I started dreaming a couple of days prior about the opening scenes in the movie “The Deep End of the Ocean”. You know, the movie that Michelle Pfeiffer stars in as a mom who takes her 2 boys (at that time in her life) to the high school reunion and her youngest son goes missing?  Yeah don’t ask me where that came out of, but yes, I was highly overbearing protective of Tigger that morning.

I had said that our class was small due to our school being a private Christian Academy, so we had 60 graduating Seniors in 1996. About 20 came in the morning and I thought we were looking good and not that old….then I saw the picture:

Yeah I guess we’re looking a little more uh older mature!

Then in the evening, I happily left Tigger at my parent’s house and went to our restaurant where we saw a couple more people from our class there. We had a grand time and we were there until the restaurant had to kick us out it was closing time. New photos were taken

New stories about people and it was a great time. I haven’t been to a large gathering in a while where people aren’t drinking (besides myself) so this was a nice change. No horror stories, no cliques, just good ol’ fashion fun, conversation, and better formed relationships.

In a blurb I wrote on Saturday where I stated that you really SHOULD GO TO YOUR REUNION, I will state it again. It’s amazing how much people grow. You may be amazed.

I was also astounded to hear in the morning that this year in 2011 there will be 91 Seniors graduating from our old Academy…91! Wow, that’s a huge class. (sorry to you people out there that graduated with hundreds of classmates, these are big numbers to us!)

Then on Sunday we went to Pastor M's house....although I have to laugh because I really don't call her Pastor M.  She and I played softball together in high school and she was a grade or two behind me so she's a friend who just happens to be Tigger's pastor as well...(you followed that right?) Anyways not only did she do Tigger's dedication at church, but she also is my #2 choice to take Tigger in (behind my parents that is) if some unfortunate tragedy would befall upon me.  I think if we were Catholic it would be the equivalent of being Tigger's Godmother...I think.  Anyways, we went over to visit M and great friend and second mom that she is, she went and bought Tigger a digital drum set that stays over there so Tigger can grove to the tempo music.  Yeah peeps, dancing at the Pastor's house!  Turn us in quick! 

Way to go M, teach my daughter some rhythm

It was a great weekend.  And then came Monday!  Blah!

An inbetween tidbit

Oh people, I will come back with a couple or so pictures but I'm in between part I and part II of my class reunion and all I have to say is.....GO TO YOURS.  Really guys, people grow up, people change, reunions are nothing scary....if nothing it's a flashback and fun time.  I know too many people that don't want to go to theirs.....don't worry about it, really....I was hesitant about my 10th, however, after that, I like them. 

It's totally nothing like this:

Alrighty, I need to rest while the Tigger is napping so I can take her to my folks house before part II of our reunion....with more people showing up.  toodles!

Sometimes the past needs to just stay there!

For tonight's viewing pleasure I'd thought I'd bore you with the fact that on Saturday I am attending my 15 year high school reunion.  Yes that's right 15 years.  Time flies when you're having fun.  Well I wish I was just attending it, however, while being a class officer is awesome on a college application and essay, it kinda comes back to bite you in the butt when reunion times come.  So have been trying to make sure the people around here know what's going on and seeing if they can make it. 

Of course I have it easy, my graduating senior class had a grand total of 60 seniors.  Yep, you read that right 60 seniors in a busy city in socal.  I went to a private church based school so there ya go.  However, when you're my age...um have you looked in your year books lately?  No?  well you should, those pictures are hideous.  I will now share with you my past.  The reason this post came so late in the evening was because I was making sure to erase innocent names and school names if they were on here.  Let's peruse down memory lane shall we?

Let's start with the god awful senior picture shall we?

What am I wearing?  I look like I need to retire into an old folks rest home with a collar like that on a dress (I'm the one with the star lol)  this has got to be one of the most hideous pictures evah!

I did win a senior award though.....that's right, class clown along with 'hangy' there...i think they shot that picture as my friend was trying to do something and is slipping to the point of falling down, I'm laughing hysterically and therefore that is the picture they chose!

 Moving on to sports, this first volleyball team picture isn't too bad, lovely smiling faces, however, the yearbook staff was fiddling with action shots and I decided to enhance the 'action' shot of me serving the volleyball by what I think they actually caught! If you're confused, look at my eyes...I look like the devil incarnate. 

Then there is the softball picture.  The fact of who was in my team astounds me and makes me glad that I am a friendly sort of person

Oh and then there are famous "senior things" pictures which show off our class and then show off the class officers plus little tidbits such as who has been here for 4 years (freshman-senior), who has been attending since 1st grade (12 years) and then the brave few souls that attended for 13 years (remember back in my day most kids went to first grade....skipped kinder)

(nope no kinder year for me) Oh but wait there's more!  Every Senior had a few lines they could fill out about themselves.  5 questions that are random and then there's some symbol next to the answer that is the 'thing' for the current year.  So here is a picture of that,

I seriously look like I'm about to beat up someone in my Dodger's attire, with that face, and my wannabe dog tags I have going on there.  Well first symbol is what I will be remembered for; second is 10 years from now; 3rd is what mystifies you; 4th is what is a perfect day and 5th is parting words....LOL  I was incredibly profound. 

Thank goodness we only get smarter and better looking with age....oh and did i mention that we grow a brain too?  This weekend should be fun!

Why I sometimes don't "fit in"

I've noticed lately that in the world of adoption there are certain cliques.  As I try to find my niche in certain cliques, I find that sometimes we just don't fit the 'mold'. 

I am:

Part of an adoptive family
A single parent
A single parent by choice
A single parent by choice AND a Christian
Adopted from foster care through the county and not an agency
Not currently subscribed for online dating (a.k.a. I'm not sad that I'm not married)


I did not:

Battle with infertility
Adopt internationally
Adopt through a domestic infant program
have to deal with disapproving family members
meet any relatives at all even though it would have been nice to

Because of the above list, sometimes it's hard to have commonalities with a set group of people because my little family doesn't neatly fall into a niche that's common. 

I am however grateful that we don't fall into a niche because it makes it easier to get to know others, get to know what their stories are, and see different viewpoints whether or not I agree with them or not.  If one hasn't dipped their toe too far into the adoption lake, one wouldn't know how deep and complex the issues are and range from.  From types of adoption, to what was the norm in the past, how it's changing, how it changed for the worse or better, acknowledging all members of the adoption triad, adoptee rights, grief and loss in adoption....a myriad of topics and issues that are present.  If you dip your toe into the lake of choice moms or single parents by choice, there are a plethora of different stories and scenarios and different ways these people came to be or are striving to be parents. 

Sometimes being different and delving into the unknown and learning from others is a much better deal!  So go, step out of your mold, your clique and get to know some people that are in a different situation than you.  You'll be glad you did. 

Facebook

I decided after much thinking to put up a separate page on Facebook for my blog.  I usually link my blog on facebook for family and friends to see what we are up to, however, as I've been reading around and overhearing conversations, I want to have a separate page to deal with putting out resources for people in the process of or parenting as a single person. 

While single parents are not with the same stigma as years past (which led to a high number of adoptions out of shame for pregnancies out of wedlock) it can be difficult for a person to find good resources and support systems if going at it alone, especially if they belong to the Christian faith.  So if you're a reader here on blogger and would like to connect to this blog's facebook page, just follow the link here and I will also be posting resources and other information pertinent to single parenting. 

Now since I'm trying to put positive information for other people to latch onto, feel free to direct anyone you know parenting as a single person or thinking about it to come and contact me.  I'd be more than willing to lend an ear and talk about how the process went for me.  Also if interested in adoption, specifically from foster care, I am more than happy to send you all sorts of reading material in order to give more perspective on different issues are around or that may come up. 

I have been blessed to find people in cyberland that have given me great advice on all sides of the adoption triad and I am more than happy to pay it forward.  So while I'm not going to be doing fancy boxes (I don't think) showing how many people like me on facebook (because my goal is not become rich and famous, but to reach out to others that may need support from someone who has been there and done that) I encourage you to direct anyone you feel may benefit from information I may put on here (which occasionally I do) that deals with single parenting or adoption from foster care in general.