Christmas In My Heart Comes to Life Part III

So it's the blog post on TRADITIONS!  Woohoo.  What are yours? 

I fully believe that everyone should have traditions.  I know sometimes one may have to alter previous traditions due to circumstances but one can still have traditions that bring out the spirit and magic of Christmas if only for a moment. 

If you stumbled on my blog and are an adoptive parent of an older child that triggers badly or escalates in negative behaviors around holidays, then I suggest tradition by the way of eliminating unnecessary stimulus...(e.g. millions of family, outings).  Maybe running away to a cabin where it's just the immediate family members with nothing but games and snow is the answer, who knows, but I truly believe that everyone deserves to find their moment of hope during this season. 

Traditions that make the Christmas holiday special for me:

1) drinking coffee or hot chocolate late at night by the lighted Christmas tree with all the other lights off and listening to Christmas music for a while.  It's been very relaxing and a great way to end the evening.

2) watching Christmas movies with family on the weekends.  Cheesy movies.  My current favorite one and one that I would recommend if you would like to incorporate warm fuzziness into your life is:  The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey.  Basic plot is two people, a boy and an old miser both who have lost much in the past come together under unusual circumstances and both of them receive a Christmas Miracle. 

3) going downtown and pretending to be madly in love.  Actually two Christmas seasons 10 and 11 years ago were magical downtown as both were filled with different guys I had a love interest in.  One flourished into a dating relationship under the lights and mistletoe, the other turned into a friendship that could have been were it not for the distance...That Christmas season though he did fly out to see me specifically.  Oh I love downtown.  It's also where I dance with friends by the little ice skating rink they put outside under the pretend Rockefeller square like tree and just act a Christmas fool.  I drink hot chocolate or coffee and a gingerbread man cookie.  Oh I love downtown. 

Did you notice that I said two love interests started during the Christmas season?  I know I'm single, but I have found memories of these guys and it did make the season magical makes no difference whether we made it down the aisle or not. 

4) Make cookies for the neighbors and deliver them

5) drive and see Christmas lights

6)Christmas Eve  talent show/pageant within our family gathering at my aunt's house...everyone must participate.

7) Wake up about 2 or 3am Christmas Eve and go outside in our Jammie's to find and stare at the Christmas Star...there is a star that shines bright that night I swear!

What are some of your Christmas traditions?  I've already started Tigger on the magic of downtown last weekend.

At one of the many decorated trees in downtown

The lighted tree on the side of the building and the ice skating rink they put outside

Just so much fun to be amongst the masses enjoying downtown in all it's lights

Grandpa showing Tigger the snowman family



So......What are your family traditions?  It seems as though my enjoyment of the season has scared away some of my readers from commenting...maybe I'm too "happy", however, I firmly believe that unless we partake in embracing hope, wonderment, and magic, then we are truly, truly living life without joy!!!! Make the most out of this season!

Sincerely,

DannieA and Tigger

Christmas In My Heart Comes to Life Part II

As promised, writing a little bit of my most memorable “Christmas In My Heart” Moment.


Summer was fading away. I was about to start work again as the school year was fast approaching. Excited about starting a new school year and yet a little disappointed that no child had been matched with me all summer long. A match had been made in early June, however, due to some circumstances beyond my control that match of a delightful 4 year old boy had fallen through.


The school year started and so began my work as an elementary school Speech/Language Therapist. Groups of mischievous boys and girls filled my days and oh the endless paperwork. Nothing made my heart more happy then my school children and yet this year nothing made my heart so longing for a little one as going back to work in the fall. A few weeks went by and soon the normal routine ensued.


Finally a phone call. A match. Another 4 year old yet this time it was a girl. It was exciting and since it was early October fantasies started popping up about possibly having a weekend visitation on Halloween weekend or if not hopefully for Thanksgiving! Details were exchanged, full disclosure, now all I had to do was wait for the visitation schedule. One week came, nothing. When it was almost two weeks, I called my social worker but we began playing phone tag. By the third week, I had a feeling something was off. Needless to say Halloween came and went and then my social worker informed me that there had been some glitches she hadn’t known about and it looked like there was already a relative attempting to gain custody of this child, and it seemed like the best course of action was to back out and wait again. November was already here and it was hard to keep up a thankful mood, I was highly disappointed. Of course I was very happy to hear that this girl had a relative that was fighting for her, but while I knew this was a good thing, my heart wasn’t quite in line with that thought yet. As Thanksgiving approached, I found myself dreading the month of December and I knew that it would be a very tough month to get through without a match.


Putting on a happy face, I went through Thanksgiving trying to avoid the questions of “aren’t you matched yet?” “there isn’t a child out there that needs a home”? however, the questions did come and doubt was well into my head. I ended up surviving Thanksgiving and wondering how I would survive the next month. My prayers were slightly disjointed as I prayed to be a home that a child would need yet I prayed that families wouldn’t have to go through trauma, then I just didn’t know what to pray for it was all so confusing. Christmas time looked bleak.


A mile down the road, my mother who had already started reading the new “Christmas In My Heart” book also was crying and praying to the Lord that with all the stories in these books about families finding each other and after reading the story of ‘The littlest Orphan’ was there not one child out there who could be our Christmas child? I later learned that she had specifically asked the Lord to just send her a sign that only she would know about if a child was meant to be in our family. Trying to get into the spirit, both my mom and I in our separate homes and with our separate thoughts put up the tree and sighed, after all sometimes a tree for one person and a dog could be lonely at times.


It was a typical windy cold night in southern California. I was on the way home trying to get there in time to change from work clothes to clothes suitable to attend a Christmas Concert. I made a stop to buy myself an expensive phone. That would at least keep me busy and entertained for a while when I received a phone call. It was my social worker. There was a baby that needed a home, and would I accept her? My social worker had limited information including the wrong age of the child, but in my heart I wondered, could this child be the one meant to come to my home? I quickly declined to buy the nifty expensive cell phone and got the bi-yearly upgrade instead to save money. I agreed to hear more information because while excited I was very nervous about the age…while I was open to newborns and infants, all I knew and was comfortable with were toddlers and preschoolers. As the information came together, the infant was actually younger than what was originally stated. For a moment panic set in, a baby? What do you do with one of those? They don’t talk or walk!


We agreed to set up one visit at the foster home before the scheduled day to take her home. I panicked that day after work on the way to the foster home. What if the baby cried, what if I couldn’t calm her down? Not only would my social worker be there, but the foster mother would probably be making mental notes about how un-motherly I really was. I remember seeing Christmas decorations at the home and my social worker waiting for me. Sending a quick prayer, I asked God to give me the miracle of being at ease with this 4-month old I hadn’t even seen. Walking in and sitting on the couch, I felt a sense of peace. When the foster mother came into the room with Tigger I was in awe. She placed her in my arms and all both of us did was stare at each other. Those eyes, those eyes looked and looked at me and I knew. We connected. Maybe not in that gushy “I’m so in love” way, but in a deep way as if we both knew we belonged there.


Five days later, driving in the wind back to my home with a baby in the backseat, I sang….loudly! There was Christmas music on the radio and I felt like singing. I also was a nervous wreck and thought every car, semi-truck, and tumbleweed were out to get me. Miraculously nothing did.


As evening approached, some of my family came over to help situate us. As I was taking it all in, the clothes everywhere, bottles being sanitized, humidifier bought in a moment of panic due to Tigger having a runny nose, toys, washcloths, I noticed my Christmas tree. Someone had slipped an ornament on it “baby’s first Christmas” and in that instant I knew, I knew that a Christmas miracle had happened. God had seen me fit to give a child a home. My mother knew too. You see, she had asked God for a private sign. Tigger’s name upon arrival was a name that my mother had used for her doll she had growing up. She loved that doll with all her might. When Tigger came home, we all knew…..she was the Christmas child that I had been longing for.

If you have a memorable "Christmas In Your Heart" moment (doesn't have to be child related) please share.

Christmas In My Heart Comes to Life Part I

This weekend has been quite exhausting, yet I did want to continue my tradition of writing in the evenings even after a long Holiday weekend.

Wrapping up National Adoption Awareness Month

While we still have two more days in the month of November, I was looking at the calendar and the activities listed for the remaining two days and both activities are a great pre-cursor to my next topic, so will honor the last couple of days in this post. The activities included to keep in our thoughts those families with adoptions pending from foster care and also to donate and give this Christmas to the children still in waiting mode.

Pending adoptions or basically being in a pre-adoptive home, but not finalized is a very emotional place to be in. Children still aren’t “yours” and the older a child is, I’m assuming they also know that anything could “go wrong” and some children outright expect things to go wrong. Parents of children that “should” end up in their home forever are often agonizing and wondering when all the paperwork, visits, and anxiousness will finally be over. Children may end up feeling these emotions from the parents and sometimes act out, some are fearful, some are grieving and rejoicing and it’s just a very hard time to be in. I applaud families that stay strong after years of dealing with a particular case at times. I was really having to pray and give it up to God and the process was ‘only’ 11 months from placement to finalization, so for these families, please pause a moment and send up prayers for peace and the knowledge that they are where they need to be at this time even if this time is a time of intense emotion.

Holiday time must be very hard on waiting children. The only child I have to gauge this by is through a student of mine who currently is in foster care and will probably be there through the Christmas holidays. I know she hopes she will see family, however, I know she is sad that she won’t be spending it with her mother. I can only imagine what it feels like for a foster child that isn’t reunifying anytime soon or at all and is considered a waiting child for a new family. If you can budget some money, I urge you to work with your state or county’s social services and find a child that your family can give a present to. It does NOT cure the pain of this child by a long shot, however, in this season where hope is most alive, it may just give a child some glimmer of hope and/or happiness that otherwise may not have been there.

“Christmas In My Heart” comes to life Part I

This last half of my post will be part of a 3-part post on Christmas and how much this time of the year means to me….and hopefully through my amateur writing, some bit of magic of the season can come to life where you live and with your family.

Christmas In My Heart* is actually a book series that is in it’s 19th year of publication. That means that the first book came out when I was 13 years old. Christmas has never been the same since! Author Joe Wheeler* compiled some short Christmas stories and put them together in a book….maybe about 10 or 12 short stories in the first book. My mother is one that believed that parents should read to their children and even though I was 13 and not interested, my mother took the time to read me a story…actually I take that back, read to my father and I a story each night. Something about these stories just touched my heart in a way that nothing could. They were happy, they were sad, they were about children rich and poor, they were about the little things that made Christmas magical and about the little things that made Christmas reverent, almost as if you could reach up and touch God in the face. Every year since then, the mad dash in late November to the Adventist Bookstore (A Christian Bookstore) to check and see that another book had been published with yet a different collection of stories. These books made our family close…even in my late teenage years where I’d rather be anywhere but with family, I would make an exception to either stay home and read them myself alongside my mother or to hear my mother read (even if I appeared to be indifferent).

Of course these books always have a tender story about a child finding a home for Christmas or reuniting with a loved one…those are always the best. Of course a cynic can say “oh well, that’s a fairy tale” or a realist could say “adoption is never that easy” or “I’m sure the parents then had to deal with attachment issues”. My answer would be ‘of course nothing is ALWAYS happily ever after’ and of course ‘adoption is never that simple’ however, this is Christmas. Something about Christmas just makes it ok and fine to have hope and look at things through the magic and wonderment of the good in this world. Even if that hope, that glimmer of hope lasted for A DAY, it would have been worth it. If you are a believer, you know that this is the season where you can feel God the closest, if you’re not a believer but celebrate Christmas anyways, St. Nicholas aka Santa Claus is a tribute to kindness and to ‘do good unto others in time of need’. I can’t explain it, but the wonderment, the magic, the hopefulness, the kind, and good rise to the top. Why not celebrate this.

Of course people in my real life circle know that I believe in Jesus and celebrate this through a Christian lens, however, some are also puzzled at my announcements that I believe in Santa Claus. I mean really a Christian doesn’t believe in Santa Claus do they? I say why not? Santa Claus is kindness. While yes Santa is not necessarily the same as the St. Nicholas’ that began this tale and tradition, I urge you to look past the commercialism, look past the hubbub and flurry of it all, peel the layers back and look at what transpires. Giving. Simple. As. That. And giving is a good thing, no a great thing. As long as there is kindness in the world there is a God and there is a Santa Claus! Think beyond telling children that Santa Claus brings them gifts, I’m all for telling kids the truth that parents are the ones that buy them the Christmas gifts, but I also believe in hope and dreaming and making kids believe that Santa confers with parents.

Feeling in the spirit of Christmas yet? I hope so. As I said this is the first in a three part posting. Part II will be my own real life short story of Christmas In My Heart (hint: remember Tigger came to me in December before Christmas) and Part III will be about traditions and how to really make Christmas special in your family. I also hope that in part III you will leave a comment about the ways your family celebrates Christmas or what traditions you hope to incorporate into Christmas.

No bah humbugs here. I fully embrace the season and I hope that in your heart you do too. If you are one of those that didn’t grow up with Christmas tradition, was taught that celebrating it was wrong, or think that it is so much about commercialism that you don’t feel like partaking, I hope that you’ll come back to my blog and at least consider the possibilities.


With Christmas cheer,

DannieA and Tigger
 
 
*Christmas In My Heart books 1-19 can be purchased at amazon if your curiosity was at all peaked. 

The Morning After

Are you guys 'stuffed' yet?  If you are anything like our family, we completely have a tendency to overeat.  We cook like we are going to feed an army and usually have tons of leftovers. 

This year was different in that we only stayed until around 7pm as it's Tigger's bedtime and she doesn't do well if her schedule isn't followed.  That being said, she had a blast.  She ate a lot of food, she ran around the house trying to keep up with older cousins, and she was her unique self.  She only likes certain people, and will not give you the time of day unless she feels like it, so sometimes she would ignore certain relatives, and sometimes she was friendly as if everyone was BF F's. 

In all this state of happiness can you believe that I actually didn't take one stupid picture at all yesterday?  That's quite bizarre of me; the picture taking queen.  In fact, not many people took pictures, most were just sitting around, relaxing and conversing as if we don't see each other the whole year.  It was nice warm family fun. 

Now I'm taking some time to write during nap time.  We did spend the night at grandpa and grandma's last night which means Tigger mostly slept in my bed....I think she thinks that it's too cold at their house to sleep by herself.  This morning, Tigger and I were awakened by Christmas music and Tigger had a full conversation with me at 8am, however, I have no idea what she said, but it was full of finger pointing, exclamations, and vocal intonation, so I'm assuming she was telling me something important.  Grandma tried to get Tigger in the Christmas spirit by having her help decorate the Christmas tree, however, Tigger isn't at that "excitement" age yet, however, I did hear her imitate "tree" and "Santa Claus" so we're off to a good start. 

Hiding in the storage box way more interesting than getting dressed for Thanksgiving Dinner

The morning after....Apparently Santa Claus is working early as well this year...??????

Decorating tree with Grandma

Telling grandma's dog to go away because she wanted to read in peace.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

I hope you all are with family, eating a lot of good food and enjoying Thanksgiving day to the maximum.  Even if your families are a bit different and sometimes you don't understand each other, take time to celebrate their [and your] uniqueness.  Life is short and we are never guaranteed tomorrow.  God bless you on this day!

 

Sincerely,

DannieA and Tigger

A Tribute to the History of Single Parent Adoptions

It's National Adoption Awareness Month in case you haven't noticed.  Of course while most people blog and state pretty quotes (and I love them too) some places/blog posts are more hesitant to be overly promoting single parent adoptions and the comments thereafter are usually very spicy in nature.  Seeing some of the comments it inspired me to go digging around for a brief history if any about when single parent adoptions became more accepted.  I found an interesting site called the Adoption History Project and it has little narratives about different aspects related to adoption in general.  I found some of the narratives quite fascinating...fascinating enough to visit my local library to check out books related to some of these topics. 

I don't agree with the last paragraph, quite possibly because my experience with social services was top notch, however, I found the narrative fascinating.  Read about single parent adoption history here. 

*Disclaimer* While the Internet is a wealth of information, I still advocate one researching on deeper level if one finds an area of interest.  This may involve reading books that may not be the most interesting, but it's a far better way of getting more accurate information.  These tidbits of online information I feel are just a spring board into a pool of knowledge.

(LA county training for prospective single parents in the 60s)

The Sobering Facts about Adoption from Foster Care

Image via Wikipedia

Howdy folks! 

This weekend was an obvious weekend full of joy for my family and I am still over the moon.  Let's face it, unless I do decide to do this whole journey over again, for a while (at least 6 months) I'm free of social worker visits, of having to report every bump, bruise, and cut with my heart pounding wildly, and of course no more asking permission for everything including trimming hair and giving OTC medicine.  Yes folks until a child is pronounced yours, permission needs to be granted for many things...it is more flexible after the termination of parental rights because then I only need permission from my social worker and not everyone under the moon, but that's a blog post for another time!  I can also post pictures if I so choose to!  Woohoo...although I'll probably start being a little bit more protective and selective with that after the initial excitement comes down to the everyday living! 

Tonight, I did want to mention the sad side of foster care adoption.  Before the hearings started on Saturday, the deputy director spoke about the facts and data from our county.  This past year to date our county has granted 536 adoptions.  Wow...let's repeat that again 536 adoptions.  While yes this is great that these kids do not linger in foster care forever, the sobering fact remains that there were at least 536 termination of parental rights done sometime in the last year or two.  To me, that's a sobering fact.  Parents couldn't get it together, sometimes some didn't outright care, sometimes life just really got in the way.  That just blows me away. 

And where do we start to help?  Obviously the first goal of foster care is reunification, so do we help then?  or is this something that should really be in our heads when we mentor, teach, or come in contact with kids?  In our county we have some bad stuff due to drugs.  Should our efforts be more focused on really hammering out the facts to kids that being addicted to drugs or getting involved with people that do drugs can have lasting and lingering effects much more than what has been previously taught? (e.g. previous education focuses solely on drugs ruining you, drifting you and your parents apart, and possibly hindering your road to college), do we educate everyone to take care of each other and to be more willing to help your fellow man (or woman)?  or do we idly sit by because obviously everyone has to have consequences for their choices? 

I certainly don't know the answer and after reading an article about a man in Ohio throwing his girlfriend's baby out of the 3rd story balcony and then flinging the baby against a wall to ensure the baby was dead I guess sometimes evil will just still be in this world no matter how much we try to prevent it.  I guess that although I love Tigger very much, I wish that parents would be able to keep it together for their kids and not have to suffer the ultimate consequence...536...wow.  Here's hoping that we can help the next generation make good choices and diminish the trauma that innocent children sometimes suffer.