Life and Adoption news

So S and I finally had a true blue couple moment this weekend when my feelings were hurt over something and his feelings got hurt because he felt bad about hurting my feelings.  We don't really see it as "that we had an argument", but we were able to finally test our communication skills and we worked through it and lived to tell about it!  Ha!  We still maintain that we haven't had a true blue argument yet, however, most of our time together after Tigger is in bed is spent in conversation and discussion over books that we are reading....which are books on relationships.  (Yes we really are THAT corny)  Currently we are discussing "Love Languages the Singles Edition" and have taken our love language profile so we have an idea of the hierarchy each other feels is most important to them.  There is a book about that for married people too and I think it's great.  S and I have been able to learn more information about how we grew up, what our pet peeves are, how we feel loved, about each other than just in random conversation.  So yeah obviously I think it's a great book to talk about and share with your spouse or significant other.

S, Tigger, and I enjoying ourselves after resolving our 'moment'

In Adoption News:

I don't think I ever advertised on the blog that I was homestudy ready for adding a second child into my home, but I have been since the summer and since before meeting S.  He knew about it and has been a steadfast supporter.  I'm sure it helps that he is a medical social worker and runs groups for domestic violence and substance abuse for the office of probation in the county that he lives in.  Anyways in 8 months I had not received a call.  Today I did, however, unfortunately, both my social worker and I ended up thinking the match was not a good fit for my home so I ended up having to pass on the match.  That always puts me in a bad mood only because children are not vehicles or appliances.  Even if I did the best thing for the child by passing so she could then be placed with an appropriate family, the thought process for me is that I rejected a child.  That always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  Children should not ever be in a position where they need to get rejected or passed by.  There are many things about the foster/adoption process that are hard, however, I think that when one says "no" to a match....even if it's the right and best decision due to circumstances....that is the most painful part of the process.  My prayers go out to all the children that need homes and that they end up in the right ones.

And in final news, Tigger will begin ballet/tap lessons tomorrow!

could you just die!  I love tiny dance shoes

Story that makes you go hmmmm

One hopes that the world is great and wonderful, however, this is a story that makes one go hmmmm.  It's also why I am getting a picture ID (passport ID) for Tigger.

A commentary on a blog post called "Babysitting while White"

Brown Babies Pink Parents

Hospital part II

So my last post left you all knowing that my precious Tigger was in the hospital.  Last week she stayed home all week long and I stayed home 3 days out of 5 since I could only get help for 2 days.  Tigger was still recovering so it was quite an exhausting week hence no blogging for tired mommy!

Anyways, I told you all that we had some classic "adoption" moments at the hospital.  The first one is the obvious question when we arrived via ambulance.
Nurse: "is there a family history of asthma"?
Me:  ummmm *crickets chirping*  I don't think so? but I'm not positively sure.....
Nurse:  "can you explain?"
Me:  I adopted Tigger and have some medical information but not very extensive so I don't think so but I'm not entirely sure
Nurse: "oh, ok"
Me:  I have a goofy smile on my face....thinking....Oh Lord, this is just the beginning.

the classic shift change bringing in a Nurse that is highly conversational and intrusive albeit a highly "special" one (even though she was nice, she was just special let me tell you)

Nurse:  Oh wow....mom mom where did baby get her curly hair?
S:  squeezes my hand hard.....translation:  you're not telling ms. busybody are you?
Me:  smiling sweetly "oh it runs in the family"
S:  laughs heartily
Room:  laughter.....(I had about 6-8 family visitors constantly)
Nurse:  oh runs in family...yeah I know....my granddaughters are twins....guess what?  they are blonde  BLONDE....(nurse is Asian)
Me:  laughs out of hospital stress and just wanting Ms. Busybody and my well meaning family to exit the room so I can breathe and focus on Tigger

Later S says to me:  "I'm all about honesty and stuff, but really....Ms. Busybody didn't need that information, good answer honey!"
Me:  Thanks babe!

Saturday night, S spent the night at the hospital with Tigger and I and in the morning....oh Ms. Busybody nurse came in and was talking to S in this manner:  "so daddy, have baby sit here with you"
Me:  "......."  I was a bit taken aback
S:  Come here Tigger and sit with me
Me:  mouths 'thanks honey'

Yes the weekend was full of reminders of how un-typical my family is.

Yes....we are different!

I don't think I've made it a secret that I grew up as a tomboy.  If you didn't know that, here's a rundown of my favorite toys/activities as a child:

1.  Legos
2.  Matchbox cars
3.  Lincoln Logs
4.  Tinker Toys
5.  Trains
6.  Sports/primarily softball

I also could have cared less about styling my hair and was happy to let my mom do my hair and not learn anything about it til I was in high school.  Yes you read that right....high school....then I cut my hair short.

Then I became a mom.  And this is what my daughter loves at the moment:

1.  Baby dolls
2.  pretending to wear make-up like mom (I now do...didn't before)
3.  kitchen
4.  pretend play with princess dresses
5.  clothes/shoes

And today as we were getting ready for a viewing/funeral (yes I'm Hispanic so we do take our little kids to these things as lessons such as life/death are taught early) she goes into my closet and takes out a scarf and told me I needed to wear it with my dress....what was funny was that the scarf actually matched/went with my outfit.  I was floored.  Apparently I already have a fashion designer/adviser.

Oh and I also was blessed with a daughter that has curly hair.  In other words, this tomboy mom is constantly scouring the internet, help from friends, and learning as she goes to make sure Tigger has great hair....

Ironic much?  I have to say, I am intrigued by this 'girl' world though!  Am glad to be part of it!

Christmas brings a full circle

Two stories of loss and new life for Christmas.

My darling daughter Tigger was placed with me 2 years ago during the month of December.  I'm very enamoured with her and love being her mom.  Of course her placement didn't come without a story of loss, all foster children little or big come to their new families with a past loss.  I wish nothing but success and happiness for her.  Right now, I"m just happy she is 2 years old and enjoying herself this Christmas and loving life.  Emotions are a funny thing.

This year, I am in love with a wonderful guy.  I just received a delivery of a dozen red roses about 2 hours ago with a note saying simply "I love you, S".  That story also begins with a loss.  7 years ago his wife passed away suddenly and tragically.  He can miss his late wife and we can still be in love together this Christmas.  Emotions are a funny thing.

Here's my Christmas wish.....that we can grow and know that our losses make us who we are, but that our new lives also make us who are too.  May they intertwine and not compete with each other.  Life is a journey.  To the two people I love this Christmas....I love every part of who you both are....the past and the present.

2 Years ago

on 12/15/2009 I brought this little one home and was absolutely excited and terrified beyond words.

She is now a 2 year old that I dearly love and constantly read, pray, and seek other mommy counsel so I can raise her the best way I can.

I love you my dear one....through the good days and the not so good days, never a moment goes by that I don't think of you!

Cheating a little

Digging up an old post from last year....in honor of November and National Adoption Awareness Month

Journey to Tigger.

National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.  Now some people automatically get all mushy and hearts start flying in the air and violin music and all that.  Others are more quiet about it, mostly meditating on ethics surrounding adoption as a whole.  Like most things in life I'm a middle-of-the-road gal.

I care about adoption happening the right way especially through foster care since that is my arena of interest.  I also get sentimental as November of last year was when Tigger was finalized and officially a member of the family--my family.

The truth of the matter is, foster care and adoption from foster care should be a topic of interest as it impacts our society.  Whether or not children in foster care reunite with family or are adopted into a new family, they are our kids.  We interact with them, they go to school with our kids, they are part of our future for a better place. It's high time we got involved in making sure ALL of the children in our community have a good chance at life for a future.

What are some ideas that we can do?

• be more mindful/helpful with the neighbors....especially the neighbors you think are struggling
• be mentors to your children's friends
• be mentors in the community
• Get involved with the department of family services in one way or another (donating, mentorship, contemplate being a foster home or an adoptive home if you feel that it is something you can do no matter how little (or not) gratitude/give back there is
• support families that have adopted from foster care
• be respite homes
• offer services or financial support if a family needs to pay for therapeutic services for their child 

Adoption is not all roses and butterflies, however, with AWARENESS, my hope is that we all can help our kids, our community find their place....a better place in this world.  

Hey fellow Christian....you may not want to adopt!

Well I'm not the only one directing traffic to this popular post of the week, however, I thought it was a decent and balanced view about adoption within Christian circles.  Go read Russell Moore's blog post here!

I for one have never bought into the Evangelical adoption movement, I believe it is a decision that is highly personal and different, for families that decide to pursue adoption.  While I do believe in the mandate from the Bible to care for the orphans and the widows, adoption has never been the ONE way to do that.  Anyways enjoy the article.  It will give you food for thought.

And as an example....I  read this blog frequently....not because it's happy happy joy joy, but because it highlights some of the real life day to day stuff that no one ever wants to think about.  This post moved me to tears...I encourage you to read it, especially if thinking about older child adoption

Oklahoma thinks about expanding adoptees right to OBC

Really...if OK is putting their foot out there...other states can too.  Even if it's just baby steps.

For your reading pleasure....a very short article.

Food for thought in Regards to Medical History

A few days ago I blogged about my annoyance with limited medical history for Tigger and how I'm sure it only gets more annoying when the young adoptee ages.

One of the blogs I read had a great post about a hypothetical thought process and dilemma an adoptee as a young adult may have.  I thought it was interesting and good food for thought.

Please read it here at 'The Adopted Ones' blog.  It's called "Walk a Mile in an Adoptee's Shoes".  Discuss away if you'd like.  My one rule is that one doesn't dismiss the sentiment that sometimes unknown medical information can be troubling in many ways, especially for individuals that cannot get that information.

It doesn't phase me really....at least not today!

Work with my brain here, it thinks like a person that works in the Special Education department.  Parenting typical developing children and parenting children with special needs may be different.  Children with special needs may need specific things/routines/tutoring/learning strategies in order to be successful in education and becoming productive members of our society.  Parenting typically developing children still involves looking at how to help them become productive members of our society.  Is a parent's love for them the same?  absolutely!  It's just a different path one may has to explore in order to be the best parent there is.

So why do some people become defensive and up in arms if someone were to say that parenting children that are adopted vs. parenting children one gave birth to, is different?  I see nothing to get defensive over.  Each path is different and parents have to deal with and help their children become productive members of society.  It is not a sin to say that there are different aspects to parenting your adopted child.  The differences can come in a variety of ways, some of which I've blogged about briefly

• race (transracial adoption)
• discrepancy in medical history
• attachment parenting

as well as a myriad of other relevant topics.  Does this mean there is a discrepancy in a parent's love for their child?  um heck no!  I'd give every limb for my child twice over.  I have no problem saying my parenting path may be different than someone else's.  I love my child....we have other specific issues that may need to be address that wouldn't have to be if my child would have been born to me.  And?  It's our reality and one we can face and go through day by day so my child can become a productive member of society.  There is nothing offensive about that to me at all.  It doesn't change how I feel about my child, much like being a parent of a child with special needs....it's a different path.  

And that is how I see things.  

When much is unknown

I have some medical history for Tigger.  Unfortunately with as detailed full disclosure as I got, due to circumstances beyond any one person's control, medical history is not the best....I know some things, just not much.

Therefore, the one thing I hate about well child visits are the questions....especially if I have a question about Tigger's health and development, which then I get asked a question about medical history which about 90% of the time is information I don't have.  Sometimes it doesn't bother me, sometimes though, Tigger's Pediatrician is all about prevention so there have been multiple times Tigger has had to have lab work to rule x, y, z out and/or to check up on something.  Way more needles and blood then if I would just have an adequate medical history.

Don't get me wrong, I like her Pediatrician, I think she's probably one of the most proactive preventative, rule this out type of Pediatrician I've encountered or heard about, it's just annoying to me because I know in the future it will probably be annoying to Tigger....and anything that will cause angst or annoyance to my child automatically makes me annoyed too.

My Moral Dilemma

It's interesting being a single parent.  It's even more interesting when you've adopted and it's a transracial adoption.  I have mentioned before that I rarely get any rude or intrusive questions because quite honestly, where I live, I'm not the only family that looks like "us".  I live in a very diverse city/town and the population has a high number of interracial families of all sorts.

While I'm not shy about adoption, I also don't go around telling complete strangers my business or Tigger's business.  And let's face it, while in a total view of things she has two mothers...during the day to day happenings she is my daughter period....no qualifiers necessary.  I don't go around announcing that this is my adopted daughter Tigger, nor do I go all the time saying oh here's Tigger...I adopted her.  Yes close friends know our general story....I'm glad that I'm connecting with more mom friends at church through playgroup and Sabbath School, however, it's not something that needs to be shared with everyone I meet especially if they are strangers.  (I'm having issues with a foster mom I met that anyone she is talking to, she says of the baby..."we are foster parents, this baby's mother just abandoned her"....ummmm I try not to slap her silly, but I'm about to....my mom is closer to slapping this person silly than I am....no one needs to know details of that sweet baby)

Which brings me to an incident that happened a couple of weeks ago.  Tigger and I were shopping for my dad's birthday gift and while at the store in the escalator, two people were behind us...I guess Tigger smiled at them...and let's face it, Tigger has beautiful eyes, and the woman was asking me if she was my daughter....I said yes and then she smiles and says....."she got a black daddy don't she?"  and well, without missing a beat I  smile and say "yes, yes she does".  The guy was horrified and apologized for his crazy sister....I told him not to worry about it....and they complimented Tigger on her hair and eyes and told us we were both "cuties".

Um ok.....they were nice enough.  Problem is, with Tigger, her mother was black and dad was another race.  So hence my moral dilemma.  During brief social exchanges, I don't feel I need to explain and educate about adoption and foster care especially since Tigger can decide whether or not to do that when she's older.....yet as a Christian, it kinda feels very wrong to lie.  Now I have been asked before if Tigger is "mixed" and I answer yes....but answering that question isn't a lie.  When Tigger is older and knows more (although I know that she comprehends way more than what I think she does in general at this point) isn't it bad if she sees/hears mom lying?  Does it really matter especially if it's to keep/maintain some sort of privacy?  It just kind of seems like a slippery slope....yet how to maintain my child's information/privacy until she is old enough to come up with answers she wants to when questions arise.

To my blogosphere peeps out there....especially my readers that have adopted transracially....how have you handled this?  do you have the same inner struggle I do with what I consider to be moral dilemma's?  If you have and would like to give insight, please by all means!

Bless Her Heart

My mom didn't know that adult adoptees from the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and even 80s don't have access to their information. 

We were talking about how we hope Gov. Christie from NJ doesn't run for President because he doesn't like public school or civil servants much.  Then I told her about the bill waiting on Christie's signature so adoptees could have access to their OBCs (Original Birth Certificates).  Well my mom was confused.  She wondered why that needed to be a law since adoption is more open now and everyone has full disclosure. 

Bless her heart.....she thought everyone knew what their birth families names were at least because I know Tigger's and have her hospital birth records. 

She then furrowed her brow and said "that's not nice".  I said "nope" and we went on with whatever we were doing. 
Check out my parents getting all hot and bothered by adoption stuff they had no idea about. 

An Oxymoron

Well maybe not in the true sense of the definition but definitely a contradiction in my "file of important papers"

I recently received (a couple months back) Tigger's amended birth certificate in the mail.  I looked at it and started laughing.  First of all it's only a certificate of live birth.  So just in case my daughter decides to become President of the United States, since I don't have the Original Birth Certificate, the media and [ignorant] people can accuse my daughter of not being born in the USA because this piece of paper will not be enough.  (oops, sorry didn't mean to get political) Yup, I live in a state where the Original Birth Certificate is sealed now. 

The contradiction????

Because Tigger came from foster care, I have copies of ALL the hospital paperwork and birth records.  Including who her mother and father are with names and everything.  Even my social worker gasped as we went over the papers because apparently they forgot to black out a couple of social security numbers (Tigger's mother) which I wasn't supposed to see....oh well I guess it's a good thing I don't do identity theft.  So birth records say one thing.....certificate of live birth says another. 

Gotta love contradictions.  At least I have more information than many people do for future purposes if need be. 

By the way, if my Tigger runs for President, she was born in the state of California just in case anyone says otherwise. 

Questions that make me go 'gulp' and make me better at the omission piece (um is that a good thing?)...

To be fair, people are just nosey by nature but here are a few scenarios where I've perfected my answers but sometimes still feel guilty because it feels like a 'lie by omission'. 

Stranger:  Oh your daughter is SO adorable!  Look at that hair, where does she get it from?
me: (thinking in my head....uh uh uh uh) It runs in the family
Stranger:  wow....lucky girl
me:  smiles and wanders off 

OR

Stranger:  Wow look at that curly hair....who in your family has curly hair?
me:  (thinking I'm so not in the mood for disclaimers right now)  my father has gorgeous wavy/curly hair
Stranger:  Isn't it funny how some things skip generations
me: yup (while moving away)  have a great day! 


Then there's always the grocery line conversation

Stranger:  She's so pretty, look at those eyes...she's mixed right?
me:  oh thank you, yes she isStranger:  oh my grandson is too and he has the best eyes, I think mixed kids are the prettiest
me:  I'm partial to my kid (winks)
Stranger:  Was she that light when she was born?
me:  (thinking in my head...um not quite sure but what the hell....) yeah
Stranger:  So was my grandson
me:  interesting! 

See, I feel like I"m lying by omission, yet I don't think every Jane, Dick, and Harry need to hear the whole story about adoption and such and I don't feel like making disclaimers either...nothing to do with being secure or ashamed or an adoption educator or wall flower, just sometimes I'm not in the mood.  I guess I can either feel guilty or feel blessed that I live in a community where it's very common to be a) a single mom and b) in interracial relationships. 

And that is my [adoption] world at the moment. 

Wonder What Christie Will Do

Never really liked the Governer of this state (I have relatives that live in NJ), but maybe he'll do something good for others

Adoption Bill of Rights Moving closer to becoming Law in NJ

I never realized how lucky I am to have some information and a copy of birth records for Tigger until the past few months.

Tackling the tough questions [for me]

Last week my two posts on ‘adoption as an option’ located here and here resulted in some high reader traffic as well as some facebook dialogue and private e-mails. I must say I enjoyed the civility and honest opinions and questions that came about because of what I had written What I want to do today is to provide some of my thoughts in regards to questions or ponderings that have come about since then. I am not doing this post to make fun of great questions, commentaries, nor ponderings that have made themselves known to me through comments or private messages, I am doing this post because adoption is complex and I don’t think one really grasps that until there are honest posts about different subjects within adoption. I also think that many questions or statements were done with no malicious thoughts, ergo why I’m really proud to say that I have some great friends and online friends…you guys rock!


There are also typical stereotypes that come from either Lifetime movies or Law & Order episodes, or sensational news items which then many people take and generalize to all adoption families or scenarios. Here are my thoughts to the questions that followed....

What about in situations where a single mother kept her baby and then the baby entered foster care because the mother wasn’t ready to be a mom? Wouldn’t it have been better for a woman to have considered adoption?

What a point blank observation/question and a hard one at that! Thank you to a couple of people who asked in both an open way and a private way. My thoughts on this question are that we as human beings have choices in life. Every option is a choice….to have sex or not to have sex. If one becomes pregnant, whatever your beliefs are, your choices are to a) have an abortion b) consider adoption c) parent the child.

Without rhyme or reason, I’ve personally seen and read about women with horrible pasts and literally not have any knowledge about resources become completely changed by a pregnancy and for the sake of the child “turn around” and persevere through unthinkable odds. I’ve seen and witnessed women who have had a crappy childhood and just repeat the cycle. However, my first phrase is that there is no rhyme or reason why some continue the cycle and some rise up and overcome. Without going into platitudes of “who are we to decide who will persevere and who will not” it is still a mystery because of personal choice. So I leave it up to women to make their own choices. Unfortunately because we do live in a fallen world (my belief system) some women will not choose wisely and the state intervenes.

I will reiterate though that the state doesn’t put a child in an adoptive home or foster/adoptive home with the initial thought being adoption. Reunification is always the primary goal and the state will give parents programs to attend, resources, and job/work help in order to help parents overcome and continue parenting in a healthy way. It’s only after everything has been tried that the decision is made for them.

What about the fact that sometimes it seems as though adoptive parents are beat over the head with guilt over being happy over parenting our children?

I am so not a fan of parenting out of a place of guilt. If one can’t tell from random posts I put on my blog. I am the queen of cheesiness when it comes to my child. I am very happy parenting her and my everyday life is not filled with “woe is me, I need to ponder the sadness of Tigger’s mother every second of the day” type thoughts. It really isn’t. The point of my blogging and bringing up adoption issues every so often is to show how some things are really borne out of grief and loss. Yes parenting my child brings me joy, no I don’t have guilt over that, however, I do respect that there was loss associated with adoption and depending on how Tigger sorts it out in her mind, I need to respect that sometimes adoption feelings may not be all rosy and peachy with her in the future.

As moms there are plenty of ‘mommy wars’ to gear up to make us feel guilty. Did we breastfeed or not, are we SAHM or Work outside of the home moms, did we have fertility issues or not. There will always be nasty stuff out there to deal with as a mom. I don’t advocate parenting from a place of guilt. When we do, that’s when parenting mistakes that shouldn’t have been made ARE made (and I’m not talking about mistakes that we all will do throughout our lifetime). If one feels that they are having negative feelings or feelings of guilt and are having a hard time parenting, I would respectfully put it out there that maybe some short term counseling is needed. Not because one is a failure, but because sometimes an outside opinion is warranted and truly helpful in the long run. Our children deserve parents that parent…..not a parent that is guided by guilt or any other places of pain whatever that may be.

Is adoption really that complex?

This question was really asked out of curiosity, not with malice. I didn’t used to think so. I was wrong. I’m ok with knowing I was very naïve about it when I was younger. Some online friends of mine have always said that it’s tiresome to explain that they love their mom and dad (adoptive parents) yet they want adoption reform and will fight for that….because they will get classified as ‘angry’ about adoption and their upbringing must have been just awful. They say over and over again that it’s quite possible to hope for reform and fight for ethics in adoption and search for birth family without having ill feelings or loving their adoptive families any less.

I can see where they are coming from. I can be quite cheesy and I love my daughter with intensity and still grieve her loss without it canceling out my feelings of joy in having her as my daughter. Having these two feelings do not interfere with each other. They are what they are.

That is all for today. I received a doosie of a question that needs its own post. I hope these thoughts have been helpful in some way. Maybe gets more dialogue or thinking going on.

I’ll say it again….I have the best friends both in real life and online a gal could ask for!

Continuing on from Yesterday: Considering your Choices..let's be real then.

Well you know what they say…..write something that everyone will have a strong opinion on and discussions and traffic will go up.


Apparently there was something that stuck out from my post yesterday because by this morning my traffic had tripled and had quite the comments on facebook and in my inbox.

I decided to make a part II and break down some important points [to me] that I think people should think about. And no this post is not to retract anything I said yesterday. I still believe every word I typed out.

There is a difference between ‘real’ questions and ‘supposedly’ real questions:
The page I posted for everyone to see in regards to ‘are you ready to be a parent’ from yesterday’s hot topic book had some regular ‘real’ questions but as I said, there were trick questions in there because obviously a young 18 year old or even 20 year old will probably say NO to a few and then will start to self doubt.

Let’s look at another brochure an online friend of mine fwd. to me to look at. Because it’s a link and not a picture I’m going to reiterate the “real” questions and then dissect why THESE are better questions than the ones on that other book.

Adoption support at Parker Hospital


✻ Am I ready to be a parent?

Everyone really should ask themselves this question. It is a fact of life; parenting will change your life even if you’re “planning” for it. Sometimes even when you plan, you don’t realize how it will change you.

✻ Can I afford to be a parent now?

This is just asking a question, no page of lists of magical thousands of dollars to overwhelm a person with.

✻ What would it mean for my future if I had a child now?

Smart to know that one may have to give up the dream of going away to dorm at a college and need to look at what is around and what one might *need* to do now as opposed to what you *magically want* in the future.

✻ Can I accept someone else parenting my child?

WOW…..yes, seriously, a real question that I don’t see being asked very often. Because yes, it will be SOMEONE ELSE BESIDES YOU and your family usually raising your child. Can you live with someone’s different denomination? Religion in general? Beliefs in discipline? I’ve seen parent profiles; they don’t usually list what their discipline methods are.

✻ Is someone pressuring me to choose adoption?

BINGO. A real question…..can a young person usually answer honestly….and will they like the answer? [will you like the answer as a parent to a pregnant daughter?] And if you don’t, what does that say?

✻ Will I be able to cope with the feeling of loss that I may have?

I may kiss this brochure. Many adoption agencies only talk about the selfless act of placing a child for adoption and that the mother is a hero…..no one talks that adoption always begins with loss and grief.

✻ Do I have people in my life who will help me through the pregnancy and adoption process?

One will need help and support if adoption is the route one chooses. They need to have people to look up to….(BUT NOT pushed towards adoption)

✻ How do I feel about other women who choose to place their children for adoption?

Good question…..better yet, how does one’s FAMILY feel about other women who choose to place? Are there subtleties that lean towards loose women who spread their legs? Or ‘those’ women? Or women who have problems? Because if that’s the attitude, I’m concerned that this is how a young woman would then start viewing herself or how she thinks her family views her which can lead to problems later on down the road.

✻ How important is it to me what other people will think about my decision?

Basically a continuation of the above question.

****These are all important issues to think about. You may want
to discuss your answers with your partner, someone in your family,
a friend, a trusted religious advisor, or an adoption agency counselor.****


Yes this brochure still has a positive vibe to the whole thing just like the book I talked about yesterday did, but in a different sense AND can you now see why I had a big problem yesterday? This brochure which is also talking about the option of adoption, asks the ‘real’ questions, but they aren’t trick yes/no questions….they are open ended questions and a much better indication of what one has to think about in regards to parenting as well.

Information, tough and real questions, NOT coercion. Everyone will have a different story or know about different situations and have a comment about that. However, I hope we can think about how sometimes even now in the age of information and non-shame (well at least I’m hoping it is better) the subtle coercion tactics are still there. Let’s not be a part of that mess.

Now let’s talk about that other page I hated about the book yesterday….the $ page. Ok the first number is in regards to housing. Um…..last time I checked, my rent/mortgage is the same and not higher since a child entered my house. And if one has a support system like a FAMILY, one would hope that the housing would be there until there can be a time to move to an apt. or small home. Either way, one has to pay for housing whether or not you have any kids (see why I hated this book….scare tactics 101) Food….um one still has to eat and last time I checked Mac&Cheese, rice, beans, pasta is still relatively cheap and again there are resources to help augment your food bill (hint, hint WIC….don’t be ashamed, it’s not a sign of defeat and it doesn’t pay for your every need) Transportation….oh you mean we magically walk until the day we have a child? Really? I don’t get that cost. Someone please enlighten me. Clothing….Ok yes this is a real cost and should be taken into consideration….so does coupons, sales, looking at cousins and seeing if one can score some clothes as well….healthcare….many programs are out there besides Medicaid that are low cost and cover the child, investigate your state programs. Same with childcare…I know where I live some Jr. Colleges have daycares on a sliding scale so you can attend classes. There will always be miscellaneous expenses…..the point is, was the random $$$$ really a necessary page to overwhelm an already overwhelmed young person? Or would it have been better to list alternatives and where one can find x, y, z? Then a woman can make a better and more informed decision with having everything laid out at her feet.

My hope is that whoever has stumbled on these posts from wherever will think about it and take what I’ve had to say with some new information to think about. Thank you all for the comments, e-mails, and face book dialogue.