Thursday, February 24, 2011

Because I've been talking about passion in family lately....

Ok, I know my family and when we get together with more family invites egocentrism in our awesomeness, however, I would like to share some things that may get a chuckle out of you!  Taken from a configuration of lists out there from more egocentric, narcissistic, awesome Cubans....

You know you are Cuban when....(these pertain to our family)

-You grew up scared of something called ''el cucu'' (the boogie man...but oh so much more)
-Others tell you to stop screaming when you are really talking (all the time)
-You have ever left grass for the camels on the night of January 6th instead of cookies and milk for Santa on -Christmas eve. (my aunt still does this)
-Dinner usually consists of rice, beans, and some kind of meat. (in our case veggie meat)
-You have ever used your nose or lips to point something out. (pointing with your finger is rude)
-You have ever drop food on the floor, picked it up, and ate it after saying ''lo que no mata engorda'' (what doesn't kill you makes you curvier)
-You have ever been hit with ''el cinto'' a ''chancleta'' or ''un tareco'' (well no, but a chancleta or flip flop has flown around in the house a time or two growing up)
-Your mom yells at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner, even though you live in a one bedroom apartment.  (my dad is louder than my mom, but my aunt?  oh my....)
-Your house has all of those little figurines that take every inch of space in the house, and you have either one of the following: a porcelain cat, dog, or elephant in your living room (really? that BIG porcelain cat all throughout my childhood was popular in your house too?)
-You just cant imagine anyone not liking Cuban food. (it's the ultimate comfort food baby!)
You call your sneakers ''tenis'' or ''zapatillas'' (tenis....put your tenis was the common phrase)
-You have at least 30 cousins (these are usually not your first cousins....these are cousins...I don't care what you call them 2nd, 3rd, once removed WTH is that removed business anyways)
-You consider platanos to be a food group (well I like tostones or plantain chips, I'm not big on platano maduro frito...too sweet, Tigger loves it all though)
-You constantly say.. ''En cuba eso era mejor, en cuba no pasa eso'' (only in terms of family connections not freedoms or stuff like that)
-Your family`s reunions usually consists of all types of food, music, and lots of people screaming (oh and our family had an affinity...still invite absolute strangers to partake in our craziness...they even had to participate....poor people....our local homeless guy enjoyed the food though!)
-You have been on a 2 passenger car, with over 7 people in it, and still a person shouting ''caben mas'' (um well an incident with 9 people, 4th of July, and stacked 3 rows high in a small truck space comes to mind)
-Your idea of formal is wearing a ''guayabera'' (my grandfather only wears guayaberas)
-Your favorite words are ''Oye'' or ''Ven aca'' when you are right next to a person. (oye is a great means's awesome if you're shouting it across the room)
-You think the perfect family should resemble the ''Que pasa USA'' family (my parents loved that show)
-You are registered Republican ( mother and I are public employees so no, but others outside the immediate family are due primarily to this phrase "Kennedy and the bay of pigs")
-You have used the words '' Acere, mi socio, consorte, oye men'' within the last week (oye men is an awesome phrase too....exclamations are popular)
-Your favorite milkshakes flavors are ''mamey, papaya, or guanabana'' (I would kill for a mamey milkshake right now)
-Your favorite Sunday sport is dominoes (I'll wipe the floor with you in this game)
-You constantly say.. ''Fidel se cae este año'' (do you know how long we've been waiting for a certain person to die?)
-You go to your family or friend`s funeral to tell jokes and socialize (sadly many "awesome" moments of socialization and gossip catching up with friends happened during funerals)
-You pay money you don’t have for your daughter`s ''quinces'' (this is why my parents did everything or hired friends for my 15th....and my mom cooked for 150 people...she said never again and that we are catering the wedding if I marry)
-You use words like, '' bipeame, faxeame, shipeame, and taipeame'' (the strange and unusual Spanglish that comes out of our mouths)
-You clean your teeth with a toothpick in public after eating (my dad is the king)
-You call Publix; ''el publie'' (holds true for my FL family peeps)
-You grew up thinking that going swimming after lunch could cause you a ''sirimba'' , so it was best to wait at least 3 or 4 hours. (sirimba, aire, patatu, can I go on about made up ailments?  No shower or swimming after eating, you.will.die!)
-Your baby smells like ''agua de violetas'' (Tigger always has her perfume...I get made fun off by stuffy Americans that say cologne for babies is so person that opens their mouth about how my girl has perfume will be hit, my girl smells awesome and Cuban)
-At every B-day party there is an assortment of ''pastelitos de carne, guayaba, croquetas & bocaditos'' and they are all placed in the table next to the cake so they could come out in the picture for your cousins in Cuba. (I don't know how many times I posed for a picture or to send a message to a cousin i never met in Cuba)
-You have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a cold. (and people on wonder why I'm anal about having socks and shoes on my child's feet at all times....Tigger will catch an 'aire' man!  One time she was barefoot on TILE flooring and my mother came to my house that was not a pretty conversation)

-If you've ever gotten yelled at by your abuelos for spending mad money and then gotten a "Cuando llegamos de Cuba..."  (I don't know how many times I was told about how there was only the clothes on their backs when they came to the USA when I would complain about not having the latest cool thing)
-If you know your mom is near because you hear an "OYE!" (not my mom really, but my aunt!  OYE!)
-You know your mom is sneaking up on you cause you can hear her "chancletas" flapping on the linoleum floor. (feet cannot be bare on floor....hence the chancla or sandal)
-If your grandparents still have plastic on their couches. (*snickers*)
-If you live in Elisebe (Elizabeth), Junion Ceety, (Union City) or Wes Nu Jor (west NY) or even know where they are (Junion Ceety was visited every summer)
-If your family reunions consist of all types of food, dominoes, political talk, music and lots of people and screaming. (well what else is new?)

These are true but due to certain religious practices were not true in our family

-When your mom gets mad she yells ''Me c*a*g*o en la madre que te pario'' (vulgar language...unacceptable in our house, no I won't translate)
-You use redundant expressions like ''Me c*a*g*o en la m*i*e*r*d*a'' (same as above except this phrase happens to be redundant...however because it sounds more meaningful and flowery I guess redundancy doesn't matter)
-You have a chemical dependence on Cuban coffee after every meal (we drink very little coffee compared to most Cubans....some of my relatives don't drink any)
-Your tradition is to kill a pig and roast it in your back yard on Christmas eve. (against our health message)
-You wear several gold rings, a very wide gold watch, and a heavy gold wrist chain (even those of us with jewelry wear it minimally....)
-You can dance merengue, rumba, salsa, anything...without music! (he he he  dancing leads to premarital relations and drinking don't ya know?)
-You use ''manteca'' instead of olive oil, and still cant figure out why your butt is getting bigger (olive oil is healthy and we adhere for the most part to our health message)


Johanna S said...

Como me has hecho reir! Soy puertoriquena. Nos parecemos muchisimo a ustedes los cubanos! Hacemos y decimos muchas de las cosas que escribiste aqui! Nuestras reuniones familiares siempre son llenas de caos y escandalosas! Las rutinas con los nenes chiquitos se van al... Tu sabes...! Es mas, yo creo que la mayoria no tienen rutinas! Estan despiertos hasta las tantas de la noche. Yo soy la rara, segun ellos! La comida no tiene nada de saludable, pero que deliciosa es! Yo cocino healthy en mi casa, pero como me hace falta ir a visitar a mi mama al menos una vez a la semana a comer arroz con habichuelas y platanos!

DannieA said...

OYE! "Yo cocino healthy"???? Spanglish Spanglish Spanglish...

Palabras que solamente mi tia de "Junion Ceety" (that's Union City to you NJ people) usaba...

Hangiar (to hang out on the street)

Nah! (short for Nada and spoken in high decibals)

el Bus (public transportation is great....can you believe she gets into loud conversations with random people in an argumentative tone?)

Ticia said...

obviously it didn't make me curvier to eat things dropped on the floor. Maybe you must be Cuban for that to work.

DannieA said...

oye and my co-worker both T....maybe you need some Cuban genes! :)

Kelleydiona said...

This was funny. I must have been dropping things on the floor for years with my curvy self.

One time for the shot out to Publix!!!! (I live in FL)

And I have to find some of this perfume b/c when I adopt my daughter she will definitely wear perfume! I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS! :)

Amy Arnaz said...

Hello Dannie~
Desi corresponds with 5 of your You Know You're a Cuban descriptions for sure. It made me laugh to read your descriptions and I ESPECIALLY laughed when I read about elephant statues because he does have several elephant statues! He loves them. Very apropos. And regarding adoption, Desi adopted my daughter from my first marriage 23 years ago and has been a wonderful father. Adoption is awesome and I support your effort being single and raising your daughter. She's very cute. Besos ~ Amy Arnaz

Unknown said...

LOL! My brother-in-law is Cuban and Adventist. I love his family dearly and this described them very well. :)