Friday, October 15, 2010

Adoption or Something Else?

You may wonder why when most of us end up getting placed with our children, then move onto finalization, we get all gun ho about adoption, what's new with adoption, support groups etc. 

I won't try to answer for all adoptive families out there, but will share what goes on in my brain from time to time.  All mommies form cliques (much to my dismay...see my last entry) whether it's because they join a local "mommy and me" group, "playgroup" "gymboree group" etc. or whether it's because they share organic meal tips, or maybe it's because they are hoping to make homeschooling happen and so that's what joins them.  
I do believe sometimes we adoptive parents join groups and make friends is because we want to know if what we are experiencing is typical kid/family behavior or is this something "adoption related" that needs to be discussed, researched on, get counseling on how to deal and how to help....I do believe sometimes we do go overboard....I compare mothers like myself not only like momma bears, but more like momma dragons, firing and burning people alive with our eyeballs, because in our minds we hope some behaviors are typical kids stuff and not out of feelings of abandoment and anxiousness due to early beginnings.  We worry we won't be enough, we worry about the future, we worry about future family tree projects in school, we worry about everything (like all mothers do I suppose) and sometimes we need to vent to other like minded people. 

So since mothers of all kinds have an incredible bond just by being mothers....let's be mindful that every mother has her worries.  More accurately has her mind full of specific-minded worries and lets not be so quick to chalk everything up to "oh everythings typical...everyone will be fine"....pat phrases like these won't help the mother secretly worried her child may have Autism or SPD, it won't soothe the mother that is worried her child is speech delayed, is worried their child won't fit in at school due to xyz reasons, and won't soothe the mother that wonders if genetics is playing a specific role right now and will this mean for the future. 

Wow!  I sound like I'm getting pulled into Adoption education...something I swore I'd never do....Never say Never. 


Ticia said...

Don't know if this helps, but I think every Mom goes through those questions regardless if their child is adopted.

I know when the boys didn't talk for almost two years I wondered if there was any speech problems or anything, but they did eventually talk...... Eventually.

Now they don't shut up, and Princess is even worse.

Dokemion said...

Thanks for sharing this. I'm a single moms of 2 and I find your site very interesting. I hope I have much time each day to drop by and check your site for recent post.

S.A.M. said...

Sometimes it's good to have someone to talk to who understands. Someone who has gone through the same thing.

I don't know any foster-to-adopt parents in real life, so I find friendships and advice online. It helps keep me sane on this journey.

DannieA said...

Nice to have you on board ladies!