Thursday, October 14, 2010

Mommy Wars

I have little patience for cliques.  So I guess it's not surprising to hear that my high school days were not glorious yet not horrible either.  I played sports, yet wasn't one of the 'jocks', I loved to sing in the choir but definately wasn't in the 'theatre crowd' or like those kids on the Fox tv show Glee.  I would read 3 books in a weekend but wasn't part of the 'nerdy' crowd....I wasn't popular but I was the class clown and I was in Student Council junior year and a Class Officer that all important Senior year. 

All in all, no cliques means really no lasting friendships out of the tons of acquaintences....I have a couple of friends that I would consider good friends from those days. 

Then in graduate school OMG, there is a definate culture to being an SLP....I found I didn't fit with the rest of my classmates except know the 'down to earth' 'working while going to school' girl while the rest were "omg I didn't get an A on my paper...that is just so wrong" and "how on earth can you work while going through this rigorous program" type classmates.  Oiy, graduation was the best thing that happened and I really don't want to go back although I toy with it occasionally but just to learn about different things (right now my current obsession is a 2 year program for English/Spanish translation....since I speak Spanish so much at work anyways)

There are cliques between SLPs at work....I find I can be "friends" with all because of my personality, but I don't really fit in with one group or another.....thank goodness there are 2 others that are kinda like me so we hang out I guess by default. 

Then the worst group of all....what I call the den of mommies.  And with mommyhood comes the mommy wars.....did you breastfeed, do you co-sleep, do you homeschool, do you eat organic, do you spank or time out?, do you enroll in gymboree, baby Einstein IQ builders, genius children camps etc.  I mean the list goes on and on and on and why do we feel the need to talk "bad" about choices other moms make?  I highly doubt that a families choice in whether or not to eat organic is going to be the end all/be all to whether your child has a high IQ or ends up in jail.  During times of stress, moms should be there for each other rooting, supporting.  Let's not get entangled in solely identifying with a clique, but let's reach out to others and broaden our horizons. 

I'd like to take some time to recognize a couple of people that don't fit the "norm" of what one thinks, but I love their choices and what they do and they really are nice to talk to and read about. 

My friend Ticia is a mommy of 3 and homeschools.  She is down to earth and has love for all as well as enjoys what she does for her kids.  Read about it here.

From my online support forum, I met a particularly strong single woman that deals with her daughter's RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) daily and is just doing a good job being involved and plugging away all for the love of her daugher.  Read about it here

I hope that in the grand scheme of things we can move past the "mommy wars" and make the den of motherhood a haven of rest and friendship.


Bubeaner said...

I think people, in this case mommies, criticize as a self-defense mechanism. Like "If what they are doing is right, then maybe what I did is wrong." Silly, yes. But then again, being a Mommy is hard work. And unlike any other job if we screw up here... it's a big deal.

Of course, if we think about how long we've been around as a civilization surely we can't mess up too badly as long as we try. And as a friend once told me when I confessed my fear about screwing up with my then-future children... "You are. So just relax."

Good luck. =)


P.S. I still am not sure how T does it. =)

DannieA said...

But what I do is always right! LOL. Makes sense that theory though.

Your friend is right. I think I always think I'm messing up so why not have fun doing money can pay for therapy later. :) :) :) RH, it's great to hear "your voice".

Ticia said...

Miss Bubeaner, you may not read this, here's how I do it: I don't. You haven't seen the mess that is my house.

Ahhh..... The Mommy Wars, I think that was one of my first posts as well. I excitedly took my kids to the park in our dirty clothes, and Princess in her diaper and shirt, they may have been wearing matching shoes. And there was this Mom who had 1 little girl and she was looking at me like "how can you bring your kids out like that," and the looks just got worse from there.