Tuesday, July 19, 2011
My Moral Dilemma
While I'm not shy about adoption, I also don't go around telling complete strangers my business or Tigger's business. And let's face it, while in a total view of things she has two mothers...during the day to day happenings she is my daughter period....no qualifiers necessary. I don't go around announcing that this is my adopted daughter Tigger, nor do I go all the time saying oh here's Tigger...I adopted her. Yes close friends know our general story....I'm glad that I'm connecting with more mom friends at church through playgroup and Sabbath School, however, it's not something that needs to be shared with everyone I meet especially if they are strangers. (I'm having issues with a foster mom I met that anyone she is talking to, she says of the baby..."we are foster parents, this baby's mother just abandoned her"....ummmm I try not to slap her silly, but I'm about to....my mom is closer to slapping this person silly than I am....no one needs to know details of that sweet baby)
Which brings me to an incident that happened a couple of weeks ago. Tigger and I were shopping for my dad's birthday gift and while at the store in the escalator, two people were behind us...I guess Tigger smiled at them...and let's face it, Tigger has beautiful eyes, and the woman was asking me if she was my daughter....I said yes and then she smiles and says....."she got a black daddy don't she?" and well, without missing a beat I smile and say "yes, yes she does". The guy was horrified and apologized for his crazy sister....I told him not to worry about it....and they complimented Tigger on her hair and eyes and told us we were both "cuties".
Um ok.....they were nice enough. Problem is, with Tigger, her mother was black and dad was another race. So hence my moral dilemma. During brief social exchanges, I don't feel I need to explain and educate about adoption and foster care especially since Tigger can decide whether or not to do that when she's older.....yet as a Christian, it kinda feels very wrong to lie. Now I have been asked before if Tigger is "mixed" and I answer yes....but answering that question isn't a lie. When Tigger is older and knows more (although I know that she comprehends way more than what I think she does in general at this point) isn't it bad if she sees/hears mom lying? Does it really matter especially if it's to keep/maintain some sort of privacy? It just kind of seems like a slippery slope....yet how to maintain my child's information/privacy until she is old enough to come up with answers she wants to when questions arise.
To my blogosphere peeps out there....especially my readers that have adopted transracially....how have you handled this? do you have the same inner struggle I do with what I consider to be moral dilemma's? If you have and would like to give insight, please by all means!