Know thy parents...They shock the heck out of you!

So after a week at the folk's house these are some interesting tidbits I learned even though I'm on the phone with my mother every day....nothing is quite the same though as shacking it up for an entire week with them after being apart for 3 years...yes, yes, yes, I know my lovely townhouse is only down the street but still different houses people!

1.   I'm watching TV one night after Tigger was put to bed by Grandma (or 'Ta' as she is called) when a worried Dad comes up to me and says..."uh I like to watch Dancing With The Stars at 8 is that ok?"
Me:  "um sure Dad you watch Dancing With The Stars????"
Dad:  "yes"
Me:  "well ok!"  (thinking:  really????? wow!)

2.  Another TV moment
Dad:  "Let's watch American Idol"
Me:  "I thought you only watched that when mom and I would watch that together before the Tigger came along"
Dad:  "Well now I watch it"
Me:  "well alright Mr. reality TV!"
Dad:  "humph...no one bothers women when they watch shows like these!"
Me:  "That's just cause you're special!" wink!

3.  During lunchtime one day
Mom:  "Are you really going to eat that?"
Me:  "uh yeah it's a sandwich why?"
Mom: "It has too much bread"
Me:  "A sandwich generally consists of two slices of bread with stuff inside"
Mom: "You should just make a sandwich with one bread, it's healthier"
Me:  "Well this is my sandwich"
Mom:  "Ugh kids...when they grow up they don't do what you tell them to do"
Me:  [biting my laughter] "yes we walk, talk, and have thoughts too, including eating sandwiches with 2 slices of bread"
Mom:  "don't get philosophical with me"  

3.  And yet another TV moment
Mom:  "Dannie, do you watch Dr. Phil?"
Me: "um NO"
Mom:  "you really should."
Me: "um why????"
Mom:  "because they show teenagers out of control because their parents can't discipline right and I want you to see what happens when parent's don't discipline"
Me:  "Really?"
Mom:  "yes...it's so fascinating and scary"
Me:  shrugs and raises an eyebrow...."I think I'll pass, I can't watch any TV until after 7:45ish or so anyways so I think I miss it...darn"
Mom:  "Well just don't get lazy in parenting Tigger ok?"
Me:  "uh sure mom"

Fun times.  I always get a kick out of these things though.  It's been a good week at home (my parent's home that is...will always be home) resting up and chillin' with the folks and seeing their new "interests". HA! 

"Oh how lucky...Babies are easy" (on bonding/attachment)

Foster2Forever is having a month of awareness in honor of April's National Child Abuse Prevention month.  Penelope is having a blog hop and I'm going to participate by writing about Tigger's first few months with me.  Please hop on over to Foster2Forever and read blog posts from different people involved in adoption through foster care.

When I received the call for Tigger, I was a little apprehensive because I felt I was better with the over 2 year old crowd, however, I also decided to lower my age bracket because after all children grow and whether or not we admit it, the younger a child is the more time there is to work on attachment which is really important.

Of course, I received congratulations from my friends, family, and co-workers.  I also received some congratulations on not having to deal with issues because of Tigger's age (4 1/2 months old).  I don't know where people get their information, but I will never ever say that 'babies are easier' or that you 'don't have to work hard at attachment' if they are young.

Enter Tigger.  Enter 3+ hours of crying and screaming at times.  Enter a fierce resistance to rocking, to being comforted, and her self soothing method of sucking her index finger.  If you see the first pictures of Tigger, she had that look of shock, scowl, seriousness...not one of happiness.  She came home during the Christmas season.  Christmas day was too much stimulation and my mom and I dealt with 4+ hours of non-stop crying and screaming...Tigger would get wound up, not tired!  It was a rough start.

Can you blame her though?  Tigger came into this world...went home to an emergency foster home that was not equipped for babies, did not do well there, and had to be moved to another emergency foster home.  By the time she was 4 months old and in my house that was already a 3rd home.  She had no chance to attach 100%.  Her 2nd foster home was wonderful.  I made mention of that home here.  I believe if it were not for that home, our journey to attachment would have been even more rough.  So here I was with an infant who was hyper vigilant, scared, and wasn't comforted easily.

The next few months this is what helped us attach:

Rocking:  I have a very squeaky rocking chair now...or glider more accurately.  Many, many, many hours have been logged in there rocking Tigger every day.  She resisted and would arch her back when she first came home...but soon accepted it, and now loves it....will not go to sleep unless we cuddle and rock and I either sing to her or play a homemade burned CD of "our songs".  Now the rocking is more for me, as she is getting big and I know I will miss rocking her when she's older....right now though it's still in the routine....before I received resistance, now I receive hugs.

Wearing:  Yes I wore the Tigger....even if we were in the house, wore her while her head was peaking out.  I believe it helps an infant know their mother's scent and heartbeat.

Co-Sleeping:  To be honest, foster care regulations are that foster children do NOT sleep in their parent's bed...this is for good reason, however, up to age 2, they can sleep in the same room in a bed.  So that's what I did.  Tigger slept in my room for a year.  No regrets and I'd do it again....after it was ok, she could sleep in my bed if she needed to.  I believe hearing me sleep *ahem maybe snore* helped her to not be as afraid and to know that I would get up and tend to her needs at night at any whim.  At this time, I deal with a 20 month old that is a good sleeper and sleeps with mama occasionally.

Nowadays, if routine is broken, I see my baby girl get insecure at times.  This week has been hard on us as I haven't been able to lift her (see previous post about my surgery) and she cries when mama can't attend to her.  I'm glad grandma has been able to attend to her and she has learned now that mami has an owie but she is still around.  Tigger still needs to suck her index finger and will do so when anxious or tired.  It's not something I'm worried about.

I decided to write this post because people need to know that when we receive children from foster care either for fostering or possible adoption...ALL need work with bonding and attachment.  Babies don't come into your home automatically issue free and older children don't come into your home ready to be sociopaths either.  Both have their pros and cons, and ALL have attachment insecurities.  The best thing we can do for our children that we love is to be aware and to be prepared to parent our children in the way that they need to be parented.  That will look a bit different for every family.

A huge thank you to Penelope at Foster2Forever for bringing people from all over to share their experiences with others.

The awesomeness of minor procedures...or not!

So, because Monday proved to be the weirdest experience of my life (up til now), I have decided to share much to the probable dismay of Daphne from Apollo's Gal.  If anything I hope you at least visit her blog, she has the cutest child and is pretty awesome if I do say so myself.  (I digress)

Well, due to the fact that there is some history of skin cancer in my family and I had a distant cousin that battled breast cancer years ago, when I had my physical earlier this year, my Dr. and I came to the consensus that I should really think about getting a mole removed due to the size and the fact that it was getting dark.  I said ok, not that bad...I've had one removed already during my college years so didn't think it would be that big of a deal.  The one problem was that this mole happened to be located in the most unfortunate place...the bottom side of my right breast.  However, since sometimes bra's would irritate it as well, it was just time.  The problem was, when to get it done since I'd probably have to be free and loose and well, going to work like that probably wouldn't be wise.

So we made the appointment to coincide with my spring break.  That way it would give me a week to heal and I could go back to work the following week.  So going into the appointment, I meet the Surgeon and he's a real piece of work.  Joking and just spouting off random bits of information.  I couldn't help but laugh, he was such a clown.  After receiving my instructions, I get ready in that wonderful "Nordstrom's" gown a.k.a. that horrible cloth gown that opens in the front.  I kid you not, the table looked like I was going in for major surgery...it had the surgery lights on top and I was going to be laying down..um ok, I'm getting nervous.  Oh did I already mention my surgeon was a jokester?  So he decided to relax my nerves by saying how it's just like pruning a tree. (um what?  I'm now a tree?) so getting on the table, he tapes me up...I guess to make the surface more even, dang breasts, never an even surface...lathers me up with Iodine and whatnot and then proceeds to put those papers/cloth squares on around with bunches of gauze there (now I'm like uh what?  isn't this what you see in the o.r. room? a patient knocked out and only the exposed area with paper/cloth around?  only thing is, I'm not being knocked out...sheesh)

So I'm mentally getting ready and then Dr. Jokester turns on the radio to "oldies" and starts singing....he pauses and says, "oh by the way, we like to have fun in here", while the nurse is laughing away...I'm thinking great, it's a party!  Yippee!  Then I see his little um table of surgical tools with a big and I mean HUGE syringe.  Ok people remember that Tigger and I are an adoptive family, I have never given birth, I've heard that the needle for the epidural is huge, but never seen one so this needle/syringe?  Monstrous!  Then Dr. Happy here dances his way into filling up the syringe and informs me "we will not be friends for 30 seconds".  OUCH TO THE OUCH....that was the worst part of the whole thing, man that needle burned, hurt, tingled, felt not so great for a while....then I was good.

Then Dr. Happy began his jokes and spouting of useless facts.  I was rolling with laughter, I couldn't help it, so was the nurse and I'm thinking this has got to be the weirdest experience ever.  He comes to the butt of his joke waving his arm scapel in hand...I'm thinking "please don't drop that on my face" but then he proceeds to cut....I can't feel anything (which is great in my book) but then I start noticing that it's not done right away, I kind of eyeball what's going on, and Dr. Happy is cutting deep...I'm thinking....good Lord, I hope the local anesthetic covers the whole area if not I'm screwed....then he cuts some more and instead of a minor chunk, he waves it up and all I could think of is good God, that looks like whale blubber (sorry Daphne, I guess I was traumatized by what I saw)...Dr. Happy on the other hand tells me to "say hello to your little friend, looks like a fish eye doesn't it?"  um no dude it's not round, and it looks like whale fat to me.  So of course they put it in that jar to take down for biopsy and such goodness.

Then comes the sewing....good Lord the sewing.  I thought it would be a few stitches...um no people that chunk was huge and long so Dr. Happy resumed with his "1000 facts that will serve me no purpose in life" while he starts sewing me up....by this time I see gauzes that are blood filled and he starts throwing them away, I also see his scissors that have my blood on them and go...oh well I guess this is why they called the "minor procedure" a "minor surgery"....there was blood involved....anyways I guess I got a lot of nice stitches on the inside that will supposedly dissolve, some glue gooey thing, then some steri strips?  or something like that.  Those outside strips should fall off by themselves in 10 days so we'll see.  I still have the waterproof dressing on and it needs to stay on until tomorrow, but then I can take it off and see.

The bummer part is that I really can't lift Tigger for some days here, and of course it feels very sore.  Not lifting or being able to carry Tigger has made her really sensitive and teary so that's been the hardest part.  So even though I'm alive and can still make it to the computer and stuff...I'm at the folks house for help and as Last Mom stated....Minor surgery still sucks.  

Tuesday Truisms: A short post I can handle

 I have no Idea what I did with my siggie....but I guess in my non brightest day ever....I must have erased it.
 So here we go....a short post as I'm resting up a bit....but obviously still addicted to the computer!

"Minor surgery still sucks"
"When you can't pick up your child for a few days, it hurts your heart"
"When they cut a chunk out of your breast, it looks like whale blubber"

The end!

Taking a Couple of Days of Rest

May not be around for a couple of days.  Having a minor outpatient procedure to remove a blasted mole gone big!  Nothing serious but considering it is big and right on the bra line, it makes it quite inconvenient...so my awesome mom asked me to come over and she will help with the lifting of the Tigger until I know I won't bust a stitch.  (I've had this procedure done before on another growing mole, but since it was also a minor procedure thought I was superwoman and busted through my stitches one day after, so have the nice scar to prove it!)
Gonna get some pampering from my mom ergo probably not going to be sitting at the computer as much!  Go read awesome blogs.

Hard Work Full Steam Ahead!

Well it happened way earlier than what I was anticipating or hoping for, but Thursday evening Tigger grabs me by the hand, says Mami, caca (mom, poop) and drags me to the bathroom waiting for me to put her on the BIG potty.  So I said to myself "what the heck...why not" and I put her on there.  To my surprise, out came poop.  Um ok Tigger congrats?  I know you've been exploring the potty and are in love with your mom going to the bathroom.  In fact the whole time mami is doing her business you are jumping up and down with glee and laughing.  (Wow, motherhood changes every little bit about life including bathroom privacy or lack thereof)

Since then, Tigger has asked to go 'caca' and does so nicely on the adult toilet...forget that little potty, it's not the real thing!  Alright!  Well...we're lacking in the pee department.  It's just not there.  So what to do, what to do.  In fact if you google "potty training", you see a slew of articles on children peeing in the toilet but refusing to poop/or not pooping.  I get the opposite...so have to look harder for tips.  Great job Tigger for not being the norm!  Well I now take her words "mami, caca" very seriously as she's already done the deed in the toilet, so must keep it up, however, I see the next few months being hard work in general since this whole 'potty' thing emerged overnight.
 
Wish us luck!

decided not to post the picture of Tigger on the potty to avoid future explanation...that one stays home with us

April is....

April is:

National Child Abuse Prevention Month

Foster2Forever has a great blog post about educating and being an advocate for children

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Activities and information for the 2011 year

National Autism Awareness Month

Activities and information

There are reasons months highlight different issues.  They promote awareness and hopefully enlightens the general public to misconceptions and truths.  I hope that all of my readers and the random ones that come by have some time to identify what their passions are (even if it's not highlighted in this month) and work to get information and education out to more people.  As we start April (and I'm not a fan of April Fool's jokes) I wanted to point out three of the themes that this month brings awareness to.