Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The awesomeness of minor procedures...or not!

So, because Monday proved to be the weirdest experience of my life (up til now), I have decided to share much to the probable dismay of Daphne from Apollo's Gal.  If anything I hope you at least visit her blog, she has the cutest child and is pretty awesome if I do say so myself.  (I digress)

Well, due to the fact that there is some history of skin cancer in my family and I had a distant cousin that battled breast cancer years ago, when I had my physical earlier this year, my Dr. and I came to the consensus that I should really think about getting a mole removed due to the size and the fact that it was getting dark.  I said ok, not that bad...I've had one removed already during my college years so didn't think it would be that big of a deal.  The one problem was that this mole happened to be located in the most unfortunate place...the bottom side of my right breast.  However, since sometimes bra's would irritate it as well, it was just time.  The problem was, when to get it done since I'd probably have to be free and loose and well, going to work like that probably wouldn't be wise.

So we made the appointment to coincide with my spring break.  That way it would give me a week to heal and I could go back to work the following week.  So going into the appointment, I meet the Surgeon and he's a real piece of work.  Joking and just spouting off random bits of information.  I couldn't help but laugh, he was such a clown.  After receiving my instructions, I get ready in that wonderful "Nordstrom's" gown a.k.a. that horrible cloth gown that opens in the front.  I kid you not, the table looked like I was going in for major surgery...it had the surgery lights on top and I was going to be laying down..um ok, I'm getting nervous.  Oh did I already mention my surgeon was a jokester?  So he decided to relax my nerves by saying how it's just like pruning a tree. (um what?  I'm now a tree?) so getting on the table, he tapes me up...I guess to make the surface more even, dang breasts, never an even surface...lathers me up with Iodine and whatnot and then proceeds to put those papers/cloth squares on around with bunches of gauze there (now I'm like uh what?  isn't this what you see in the o.r. room? a patient knocked out and only the exposed area with paper/cloth around?  only thing is, I'm not being knocked out...sheesh)

So I'm mentally getting ready and then Dr. Jokester turns on the radio to "oldies" and starts singing....he pauses and says, "oh by the way, we like to have fun in here", while the nurse is laughing away...I'm thinking great, it's a party!  Yippee!  Then I see his little um table of surgical tools with a big and I mean HUGE syringe.  Ok people remember that Tigger and I are an adoptive family, I have never given birth, I've heard that the needle for the epidural is huge, but never seen one so this needle/syringe?  Monstrous!  Then Dr. Happy here dances his way into filling up the syringe and informs me "we will not be friends for 30 seconds".  OUCH TO THE OUCH....that was the worst part of the whole thing, man that needle burned, hurt, tingled, felt not so great for a while....then I was good.

Then Dr. Happy began his jokes and spouting of useless facts.  I was rolling with laughter, I couldn't help it, so was the nurse and I'm thinking this has got to be the weirdest experience ever.  He comes to the butt of his joke waving his arm scapel in hand...I'm thinking "please don't drop that on my face" but then he proceeds to cut....I can't feel anything (which is great in my book) but then I start noticing that it's not done right away, I kind of eyeball what's going on, and Dr. Happy is cutting deep...I'm thinking....good Lord, I hope the local anesthetic covers the whole area if not I'm screwed....then he cuts some more and instead of a minor chunk, he waves it up and all I could think of is good God, that looks like whale blubber (sorry Daphne, I guess I was traumatized by what I saw)...Dr. Happy on the other hand tells me to "say hello to your little friend, looks like a fish eye doesn't it?"  um no dude it's not round, and it looks like whale fat to me.  So of course they put it in that jar to take down for biopsy and such goodness.

Then comes the sewing....good Lord the sewing.  I thought it would be a few stitches...um no people that chunk was huge and long so Dr. Happy resumed with his "1000 facts that will serve me no purpose in life" while he starts sewing me up....by this time I see gauzes that are blood filled and he starts throwing them away, I also see his scissors that have my blood on them and go...oh well I guess this is why they called the "minor procedure" a "minor surgery"....there was blood involved....anyways I guess I got a lot of nice stitches on the inside that will supposedly dissolve, some glue gooey thing, then some steri strips?  or something like that.  Those outside strips should fall off by themselves in 10 days so we'll see.  I still have the waterproof dressing on and it needs to stay on until tomorrow, but then I can take it off and see.

The bummer part is that I really can't lift Tigger for some days here, and of course it feels very sore.  Not lifting or being able to carry Tigger has made her really sensitive and teary so that's been the hardest part.  So even though I'm alive and can still make it to the computer and stuff...I'm at the folks house for help and as Last Mom stated....Minor surgery still sucks.  

5 comments:

M said...

Ouch! I feel your pain!

I had breast reduction surgery several years ago and I can attest to how painful it is to have anything cut in that region.

Heal quickly!

Ticia said...

Minor surgery of any sort is never any fun.

Jeff said it was the weirdest thing to walk in when they were doing my C-section, see a big hole cut in me, and ask how I was doing and my response, "I'm okay, it feels a little weird though....."

Sunday Koffron said...

I hope it feels much better real soon.

grace kay said...

oh no this just made me sigh and laugh and shake my head at the same time. if i had a doctor singing away to oldies i'd be so mad.

glad its over though, get well soon

Kelleydiona said...

We need to get you a reality show!! Very funny moments.....then not so funny. :) Get well soon!