Early December 15th, 2009, I started up my 2-door VW rabbit (an awesome little car) and left my home at 7:30 am. It was windy and tumbleweeds were flowing. My heart was pounding. All of a sudden I had a panic attack as the freeway came to a complete stop...."oh no" an accident on the road, oh please get me through it. The appt. was at 8am....I was going to be late. Passing the accident, I raced as fast and as safely as I could towards a house in a quiet neighborhood. I parked and struggled a bit with the new car seat I just bought a couple days ago. I was 15 minutes late.
The door opened and I was welcomed in. It was the morning I picked up Tigger. As the wonderful foster mom rounded up her things, I was encouraged to change her and put her in her snuggie.....I panicked briefly as I was still kinda green on changing diapers and I did have that one incident where I couldn't tell which way the diaper went and diapered one of my friend's kids um backwards so you know, a real confidence booster. Luckily I came out of changing her diaper fine and struggled a bit getting her clothes back on. What an amateur.
Needless to say, we survived one year living together....no one is dead, I survived the first few months of endless screaming/crying, a brief trip to the ER due to 'not eating' at the beginning, Tigger survived my "greenness", has learned that I am one wacky mom, and we are doing ok. We endured Termination of Parental Rights, Appeal period, a paperwork glitch, and finally finalization. I feel more confident, she is demonstrating being an attached child....I still have no idea what I'm doing sometimes and that's ok. Neither do the rest of you!
I thank God that he has seen fit to allow me a great responsibility. I thank God that I am a mom. I thank God for my daughter, she is a wonderful, complex, and charming human being. I can't wait to see what the years bring and how she grows and blossoms. One thing adoption does is that it keeps me honest. It helps me see that children are not just "yours" but ultimately they are children of God. With that in mind, I chose this next weekend...after the 1 year anniversary to have the child dedication at my church. It will also be a reminder that I am not in control. I do not "own" Tigger, but have been blessed to have been chosen to raise her to the best of my ability with God's help.
December 15 is a great and memorable day.
December 15, 2009