Observed from my resting place!

Must be nice to be a Southern Californian kid! 

Of course mom still had to miss the fun due to illness and overall exhaustion, but it was nice to sit and watch the fun with Grandpa.  We are now back home....a special thanks to my folks for taking care of us during my moment of drama and beyond.  Now, just need to go to the Dr. tomorrow and get clearance for work and see if I need more drugs.  Good Night!

How to Traumatize your Mother and your Daughter all at once

Well I had this awesome weekend to look forward to.  Memorial day weekend is always around my birthday so since today is the official day my parents and my aunt had stuff planned for me.  Yesterday was going to be an afternoon on the beach with some ice cream my parents were going to buy for me (mmm chocolate and coffee mixed together) and then Sunday my aunt was having us over for a Birthday dinner with cake!  um YUM. 

Well I woke up Friday morning with a sore throat and feeling funky.  I did go to work but left midday to take a nap as I had developed a fever.  Friday night we went to my parents house and my mom was so excited because she had my favorite meal planned and then immediately got disappointed when she saw how ill I looked.  I did enjoy her meal though, but as the evening went on, the fever came and didn't really let up until the morning. 

I woke up, to my daughter making toddler noises and running around my parent's house with her toys and I went down the hallway to join in the fun.  And that is the last thing I remember.........until I came to and was wondering why I was on the floor and why the paramedics were on the way. 

The following is what happened as told to me by my mother who saw the whole thing:

I was at the end of the hallway, Tigger was trying to close the guest bedroom door and I went forward, then my mom saw me acting funny and pass out, hitting my head in an ugly manner against the door frame.  Apparently my head jerked forward, I said "OUCH" and landed on the floor not moving. 

When I came to, my dad is hovering over me, Tigger has a wide-eyed expression and is saying "mami, mami" and I"m like uh what happened and my head hurts.  Apparently the way my head jerked and I fell my mom thought I had broken my neck or that I was dead so she called 911. 

The paramedics came and did all sorts of tests but my blood pressure was ridiculously low so I was whisked away in an ambulance to the hospital to see if my head was fine and see if they could up my blood pressure.  As they wheel me away I hear Tigger start crying mournfully. 

Spent the better part of the day in the hospital with the IV and running all sorts of test and had a lovely CAT scan done to make sure my head was still ok.  (well I mean intact, I'm sure my head is quite crazy on any other day) I still had that nasty sore throat and it so happened I had a nasty throat infection so I also got some hard core drugs through the IV...woo hoo.  Since everything came out ok, I was free and clear to go home after I passed the bedside blood pressure test. 

So.....no Beach and no awesome ice cream for me....boo

And my throat was still killing me last night, still battling with a fever so no awesome dinner at my aunt's house today for my birthday.....boo.

And since my daughter did see me take off some of the sicker pads the hospital uses for vitals, yesterday, today she found some stickers and put them on her tummy and on her arm and was telling me she had "owies"  like "mami".  Poor child.  I'll be paying for counseling bills later on in life I'm sure. 

Oh and the best part was that a neighbor came by later that day and my dad went outside to talk to him.  This neighbor didn't want to be nosey but also wanted to know what happened.  So my dad gave him the run down and then the neighbor (which my dad said smelled profusely like alcohol) told my dad "don't worry, God is in control....it just wasn't her day to die"  well alright dude thanks for that!

So not the birthday weekend I envisioned, however, I am having a good day resting and I think the drugs given to me yesterday are starting to work today.  So cheers to year 33.....it started off with a BANG!

Memories...ahhh....sweet Memories!

different flames of Bunsen Burners...ooohhhh cool!!!!!

Ok, one of my extremely guilty pleasures of life right now is to head on over to Laura's blog and read.  (warning, I will link to it, however, it does use strong language and her humor is something I cackle at, but may not amuse everyone....you've been warned) Well she was talking about Catholic school and all that jazz and I was rolling.  It was seriously funny. 

So it got me thinking about the old days.  Now we didn't have nuns at our Seventh-Day-Adventist Schools nor corporal punishment, but it seems as though we kids had highly creative minds.  So creative it would get us in trouble.  For example. 

It was an afternoon like any afternoon.  7th grade science lab, working in our groups and we were doing something with HCl (Hydrochloric acid) and beakers and Bunsen burners.  I forgot what we were doing, but I was excited by the Bunsen burners...mmmm fire!  So of course I stop listening to the teacher (sorry Ms. V) and our group starts turning the Bunsen burner on and high....whooooooo awesome!  I was also very hyper at that age and had a syringe full of HCl already.  Talking animatedly with my hands I guess I squirted the HCl....well it traveled through the Bunsen burner which was whooooosh on at a really high level so the flame would be huge and it landed on another student's butt.  Well, let's just say flames started shooting from the jeans of this poor student and his butt started burning.  I freaked, my lab partner (who was a guy) bent over this poor unsuspecting student and started SPANKING the fire out.  Luckily the poor student didn't burn to death and my lab partner did spank the fire right out of him. 

Our teacher turned and saw the spanking and demanded to know what was going on.  Well....I start in and say that we were just fooling around....ummmm yeah I definitely had brains back then HA!  We had a time out before we could go back and our teacher lectured us on why we should not fool around while working with chemicals.  I'd hate to think what would have happened if Ms. V actually knew what had happened! 

Thanks Laura for igniting my brain cells to remember this event in history.  I have literally lit a fire under someones butt! 

My poor child....I am not naive so I will be watching her like a hawk.  I know what happens at school and with friends. 

Tuesday Truisms: "when in doubt....relax"

This has been a very busy week and a week where the Tigger has decided to join the world of 'twos' in testing boundaries even though she has two months to go before her birthday.  Here we go...

"Persistence should be defined in Websters as simply this....'Toddlers'."

"Check your feelings and frustration levels hourly, then relax, it helps the boundaries you must define 100x in a row"

"Laughter can be your friend"

"Dance like a madman with your toddler, it makes you forget the constant testing of boundaries"

"I"m convinced toddler beds are awesome and of the devil...both at the same time"

"Watching a toddler have a tantrum in her/his bed, because they finally figured out they must stay there is quite hilarious"

and this was actually said more or less in the book 'the everything book about positive discipline'....

"when you start feeling comfortable in your parenting, the kids will start exerting their independence and you start all over"

Strike a chord?

I was doing well.....

Did you all notice I was blogging almost every day of the week?  I was doing so well.  And then Tigger discovered that a toddler bed isn't like a crib and you can climb out of it.  So the past 3 days have been a rendition of "The Nanny" at our house (did any of you ever watch that show?).  Thing is, it's one of my battles I want a clear win.  So hence the quiet for the past few days.  We are slowly getting there, but it leaves me exhausted.  Kinda like this

So until I regain my strength friends....as my daughter is very persistent by nature!

No Regrets

Have you ever heard that line "live your life so you have no regrets"?  Well I'm pondering what that really means.  The only way one can have regrets is if they made a choice.....yet we make hundreds of choices within our lifetime and each choice then leads to another set of choices and then each choice after that leads to another set of choices.....yes maybe one could have chosen a different path when they were younger, however, one can't really know how that life would have been or would have taken you.  So while one may look back and think "wow, I wish I would have been more mature", or "wow, I wish I wouldn't have let long distance be a deciding factor in whether or not I dated a guy",

Do we really truly 'regret' a choice?  or are we just living a different life and doing the best we can with the choices we have made????? hmmmm my musing for the night. 

I really wish more people would enjoy country music, however, this song by Garth Brooks has always been a favorite of mine....'The Dance'.  The lyrics are great and basically it's a song about endings....whether ending of a relationship, ending because of death, or ending because of circumstance.....yes we could have chosen not to be a part of someone's life or chosen a different path, however, we then wouldn't have enjoyed "the dance" which in the end....was the magic in it all.  Here are the lyrics if you've never heard this song....I think there is a typo or two (dang youtube amateurs) but enjoy this powerful song.

Remember life is about "the dance".....ultimately there will be pain, however I hope that we can look back and really say that we have either limited or no regrets. 

Some days just kick me in the rear

not Tigger but our evening went something like this

Today was one of those days!  Tigger was tired and therefore that meant that every little thing made her teary and out of sorts.  I was also tired and had to count to 10 a few times so I could discipline and do the 'chill out zone' in a calm manner. 

I've been trying to write out a pretty complex post, but that obviously didn't happen tonight.  Instead my mind is just blank and I'm grateful for bedtime.  I may hit the sack early as well. 





oh and p.s.  I'm so ready to get over this 'end of the world' weekend.  Honestly I feel sympathy, however, it's one of those things where I want to strangle people....haven't enough of the U.S. population gone through this to know not to be setting dates after dates after dates?

yes I know the above is a rant. 

Tuesday Truisms: "Happiness"

Because we all know that Happiness is next to Healthiness....um right?!

"Happiness is eating a Reese's peanut butter cup"

"Happiness is your head touching the pillow.....brownie points if it's before 10pm"

"Happiness is a hug from little arms"

"Happiness is going to amusement parks and/or animal parks with a young child"

"Happiness is trying to out-growl your toddler until gales of laughter ensue"

"Happiness is a pint of coffee ice cream...yes eating it ALL and not sharing"

"Happiness is cotton candy"

"Happiness is playing hooky and spending a day with your child"

Wild Animal Park with 3 kids under 3

So we had company this weekend and today we were able to go see some animals.  Tigger had fun with her two new friends (even though the mommies have known each other since college)  Can I say that having an almost 3 year old, an almost 2 year old, and an almost 1 year old.....was actually not that bad.  The kids were good! 

I'm actually too tired to write anymore...enjoy the pictures (um yeah tired....you go and push a stroller on up and down terrain and see if you're still peppy at night!)

End of Babyhood

I'm sure if you're my 'friend' on Facebook this will be nothing new since I already posted a blurb about my feelings there, however, I find myself being a bit sentimental tonight.

I'm usually not one for crying or getting depressed after a new milestone, however, today was BIG.  Last week, Tigger had a couple of episodes where she stuck her leg through the crib railings (I don't know how she got past the knee) while I was sleeping and of course I wake up to bloody murder screaming.  Going in the room I assess the situation and immediately try to finagle that leg that shouldn't have been out so far to go back into the crib.  Can we say that doing this means the angle of the leg needs to be in perfect alignment in a particular way in order to get it back without dislocating or breaking a knee or ankle?  So first time this happens I say "fluke".  Second time it happens within the same week, well I guess that tidbit of wisdom my mom told me "You will magically know when it is time to move on to a toddler bed" suddenly hit me so tonight, my daughter is soundly sleeping in a toddler bed.  It sounds so grown-up.  It doesn't look like a baby lives here anymore.  Kind of melancholy. Wow.   My big girl!

Earlier in the day Tigger went to her cousin's 2nd Birthday Party.  She had a blast and actually hit the pinata as well as filled up her candy bag....who knew my almost 2 year old would catch on quick....she actually got a lot of candy so I think that the good mom thing to do would be to raid the candy!

Light Reading: What's on the evening menu at our house

I'm not in a very "writing" type of mood today so just thought I'd let you in to what our reading routine has been for the last week.  Our books change around every 2 weeks. 

First and foremost there's the Sabbath School lesson.  This month is the story of Daniel and the Lion's Den.  It makes me smile when we get to the end of the story and the question is "Did the Lions harm Daniel?"  and Tigger shakes her head emphatically and says "no, no, no".....children and their fondness for Bible stories.  If only life ended up being that simple, but hey we start somewhere!

Then there's the "oso" book (otherwise known as 'me and my mom')....the bear book which I must read:

Followed by Eric Carl's 'The Very Busy Spider':

Last but not least 'Goodnight Moon':

It's awesome that Tigger loves being read to and loves books in general.  That's all folks.  Good night!

Wonder What Christie Will Do

Never really liked the Governer of this state (I have relatives that live in NJ), but maybe he'll do something good for others

Adoption Bill of Rights Moving closer to becoming Law in NJ

I never realized how lucky I am to have some information and a copy of birth records for Tigger until the past few months.

Tuesday Truisms: a small break to introduce stupid FB pervs

Facebook used to be so nice and un-spammy...(is that even a word?) and then all of a sudden this week I received two classic messages (I guess because my profile is private so people have to message me to even try to get a look around) 

Introducing John Weirdo*

Here's the message:

Hello there,
how are u doing out there? It's cool to see you on here..u really have nice picture..and you are really cute...actually you maybe wondering how i came across your profile but the thing is that i was going through the existing member of this site and i came across your picture and i like it so i thought that i should say hi..ok...Do you come on here often???..but if you are interested as i am interested in meeting you..you could give me your yahoo ID so that we could chat on there...i have my picture there...and i don't come on here much based on the work i do..am always on yahoo instant messenger...i would really love to know you more..


Wow Mr. Weirdo, nice to meet you too, always nice to get stalkers to get a message from a forward thinking man.  The irony is that this is the picture that was on my profile when he sent this message:

I mean I'm left to deduce that you are either pervy and are into kids um ewwww or like older women (no offense to my grandma but she was in her mid-40s when she had my mom) and since I'm not in that photo nor a child or in my 40s, I'll pass on your weird and pervy nice offer to get to know me more. 

Then later on in the week this is in my inbox from Mr. I'm confused about who you are*

"how are you doing ...i presumed fine just wondering how come a cute man like you still a single i bet you any woman can come ask you out for a date ..hope you dont mind getting a mail from a stranger am sorry if you do...i will like to learn more about you if you dont mind you can drop me a line back"

um ok, did you notice I WAS NOT a cute man?  just sayin' so since you're obviously confused as to my gender then no you don't need to learn more about me since I may not be your type.....(still had the same profile picture on there)

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty! (a great line i stole from the great Laura herself on fetch my flying monkeys)

So my truism for the day is  "Facebook is also full of online wannabe guys looking for love"

Tackling the tough questions [for me]

Last week my two posts on ‘adoption as an option’ located here and here resulted in some high reader traffic as well as some facebook dialogue and private e-mails. I must say I enjoyed the civility and honest opinions and questions that came about because of what I had written What I want to do today is to provide some of my thoughts in regards to questions or ponderings that have come about since then. I am not doing this post to make fun of great questions, commentaries, nor ponderings that have made themselves known to me through comments or private messages, I am doing this post because adoption is complex and I don’t think one really grasps that until there are honest posts about different subjects within adoption. I also think that many questions or statements were done with no malicious thoughts, ergo why I’m really proud to say that I have some great friends and online friends…you guys rock!


There are also typical stereotypes that come from either Lifetime movies or Law & Order episodes, or sensational news items which then many people take and generalize to all adoption families or scenarios. Here are my thoughts to the questions that followed....

What about in situations where a single mother kept her baby and then the baby entered foster care because the mother wasn’t ready to be a mom? Wouldn’t it have been better for a woman to have considered adoption?

What a point blank observation/question and a hard one at that! Thank you to a couple of people who asked in both an open way and a private way. My thoughts on this question are that we as human beings have choices in life. Every option is a choice….to have sex or not to have sex. If one becomes pregnant, whatever your beliefs are, your choices are to a) have an abortion b) consider adoption c) parent the child.

Without rhyme or reason, I’ve personally seen and read about women with horrible pasts and literally not have any knowledge about resources become completely changed by a pregnancy and for the sake of the child “turn around” and persevere through unthinkable odds. I’ve seen and witnessed women who have had a crappy childhood and just repeat the cycle. However, my first phrase is that there is no rhyme or reason why some continue the cycle and some rise up and overcome. Without going into platitudes of “who are we to decide who will persevere and who will not” it is still a mystery because of personal choice. So I leave it up to women to make their own choices. Unfortunately because we do live in a fallen world (my belief system) some women will not choose wisely and the state intervenes.

I will reiterate though that the state doesn’t put a child in an adoptive home or foster/adoptive home with the initial thought being adoption. Reunification is always the primary goal and the state will give parents programs to attend, resources, and job/work help in order to help parents overcome and continue parenting in a healthy way. It’s only after everything has been tried that the decision is made for them.

What about the fact that sometimes it seems as though adoptive parents are beat over the head with guilt over being happy over parenting our children?

I am so not a fan of parenting out of a place of guilt. If one can’t tell from random posts I put on my blog. I am the queen of cheesiness when it comes to my child. I am very happy parenting her and my everyday life is not filled with “woe is me, I need to ponder the sadness of Tigger’s mother every second of the day” type thoughts. It really isn’t. The point of my blogging and bringing up adoption issues every so often is to show how some things are really borne out of grief and loss. Yes parenting my child brings me joy, no I don’t have guilt over that, however, I do respect that there was loss associated with adoption and depending on how Tigger sorts it out in her mind, I need to respect that sometimes adoption feelings may not be all rosy and peachy with her in the future.

As moms there are plenty of ‘mommy wars’ to gear up to make us feel guilty. Did we breastfeed or not, are we SAHM or Work outside of the home moms, did we have fertility issues or not. There will always be nasty stuff out there to deal with as a mom. I don’t advocate parenting from a place of guilt. When we do, that’s when parenting mistakes that shouldn’t have been made ARE made (and I’m not talking about mistakes that we all will do throughout our lifetime). If one feels that they are having negative feelings or feelings of guilt and are having a hard time parenting, I would respectfully put it out there that maybe some short term counseling is needed. Not because one is a failure, but because sometimes an outside opinion is warranted and truly helpful in the long run. Our children deserve parents that parent…..not a parent that is guided by guilt or any other places of pain whatever that may be.

Is adoption really that complex?

This question was really asked out of curiosity, not with malice. I didn’t used to think so. I was wrong. I’m ok with knowing I was very naïve about it when I was younger. Some online friends of mine have always said that it’s tiresome to explain that they love their mom and dad (adoptive parents) yet they want adoption reform and will fight for that….because they will get classified as ‘angry’ about adoption and their upbringing must have been just awful. They say over and over again that it’s quite possible to hope for reform and fight for ethics in adoption and search for birth family without having ill feelings or loving their adoptive families any less.

I can see where they are coming from. I can be quite cheesy and I love my daughter with intensity and still grieve her loss without it canceling out my feelings of joy in having her as my daughter. Having these two feelings do not interfere with each other. They are what they are.

That is all for today. I received a doosie of a question that needs its own post. I hope these thoughts have been helpful in some way. Maybe gets more dialogue or thinking going on.

I’ll say it again….I have the best friends both in real life and online a gal could ask for!

"I went to the Animal Fair....The Birds and the Beasts were there..."

Well I just finished putting a very tired Tigger into bed.  What a Mother's day!  It was really awesome!  First things first, the absolute best thing about going to church on a Saturday instead of the traditional Sunday is that for Mother's Day [and Father's Day] we can beat everyone to eat out....for breakfast!  Yes our family tradition from years and year past til now is to go out for breakfast and not wait ten million hours to get seated.  We ended up at Ruby's Diner which has awesome food and a LOT of food.  Best of all, in the one we go to, one can substitute Veggie Sausage for bacon or real sausage (which our family doesn't eat due to religious reasons) so let's just say this place rocks.  Some pictures of our early morning include my mom, Tigger, and I as well as my aunt and cousin that also joined us.

Tigger drinking her apple juice

Tigger and Mami

My mom and I

my aunt and cousin with tigger

Oh we tipped a balloon guy for this little balloon dog...Tigger is over the moon

Then my parents and Tigger and I went to the zoo.  Tigger had fun and quite honestly it was a very relaxing day considering.  We even got to see the Tiger pacing back and forth which was exciting because I usually only see the Tigers sleeping, so it was great.  Tigger also roared at the Tiger which was quite amusing.  Good pictures overall were taken. 

Tigger with Poppa and Ta

Still roaring from the Tiger

Tigger and Mami

AWESOME

Many pictures with statues

tigger and poppa

Gopher time....ha ha ha

Since I wasn't driving, I guess I took advantage of the ride home and my mom managed to take this surprise photo that I saw once we got back.

tired!

I do have to say, I was also quite surprised and happy to receive the best present ever (aside from being Tigger's mom of course!) from my mom.  A necklace with one of those birth month stone children to indicate that i have a daughter.  The pendant looks similar to this. 

All in all a very wonderful day!  Here's hoping your day went well too!