Friday, November 5, 2010

Parking Lot Mommy Guilt

Not me, but let's be honest I too committed the same "sin" as the other two mommies bawling their eyes out in the daycare/preschool parking lot today. 

This would NOT have happened I believe if our daycare/preschool didn't do the worst splitting up of the Halloween happenings at the school.  Last Friday was Halloween.  The school was having a Carnival and didn't want the kids in costumes...Fine, I'm not an avid Halloween fan, I do the Harvest festivals/Trunk or Treat at church and I love that for at least 6 years of a child's life the costumes are cutesy and not ugly or sexyfied (is that even a word?) yet.  I'm not into celebrating Halloween in what most people do, for religious I don't decorate outside, I don't go to 'adult' Halloween parties <gag me> and while I did do this with friends during college, I don't watch Halloween type movies in the month of October.  I'd like to keep my house without too much spiritual warfare...I do however, compromise on the fall stuff like pumpkin patches and fall festivals at the church, and do things like pass out candy and dress up my dog and child....yes I did say DOG as well. 

But then the daycare/preschool did something that was stupid.  They said that the following Friday, (today) then the kids could wear their costumes and the school would have a costume parade.  Um HELLO!  It's been a week since expect tired working moms/dads to remember the distinction?  For me and my family it's November, we're in full force of my favorite Holiday Thanksgiving!  I am always very sad that it gets skipped over for Christmas stuff in the stores.  Thanksgiving is my favorite Holiday, I love it, I love having a moment of THANKS.  This year is the first Thanksgiving with Tigger (she came to me in December of last year) and this year we will finalize the adoption on National Adoption Day which is the weekend before Thanksgiving....hello, Halloween and costumes?  not so much on my mind. 

Well when I got to the school and saw some of the older kids in their costumes, I totally groaned at having forgotten.  However, Tigger is 15 months old, she was happy to go play with her peers and gave the stare down to the other kids in costumes since she doesn't like things out of the norm...I really don't think she minded (at least not this year, and maybe not ever as once she turns two I'm switching her to my church's preschool which starts at 2 year olds and I don't think they do much for um Harvest )

Apparently two other moms forgot and their children were much older.  I think they looked 4 years old.  Of course the children start bawling, I mean blubbering because of course now they realized what happened and the sins of their mothers: the forgotten costume.  Well no mother wants to see their child cry out of disappointment so of course once they dropped off their kids and when I was coming back to my car, I see not one but TWO moms crying their eyes out.  Can we say guilt and heartache for causing your child's obvious disappointment?  That's what happens when you split up two things that should happen on the day of Halloween instead of the two week thing.  Oiy let's face it gals, fellow moms....everything is our fault.  And .We. Always. Feel. Guilty. About.  It. 


Andrew said...

Hi DannieA! I came to your blog through Boundless (yes, people do read your comments there!). This is an entirely new thread not in response to any post, but a comment here seems to be the easiest way to start a conversation. :)

As you have described, you are a single mother by choice. What is your perspective on single fathers by choice? Do you think adoption agencies and authorities should be open to this idea?


DannieA said...

Andrew....welcome! Come and leave any comments you would like. Absolutely Agencies and the state/county are even now working with single fathers.

I have seen some positive outcomes even at my of my special education kids (boy) was adopted by a single father...not easy as the boy was already 9 and 10 by the time it went from foster to adoption, but after a while you could see positive changes. Male role models/parent are definately also needed as well.

please look at some blogs and see how guys are faring...some blogs I just like and it happens to be single because of divorce (single dad laughing) but I do know that it's more common for single guys to adopt children now than before

While you find that women are more likely to be dedicated to blogging...all that communicating you know ;) you just have to work a bit harder to find support...guys always try to find support too...consider this thread.