Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Why I sometimes don't "fit in"

I've noticed lately that in the world of adoption there are certain cliques.  As I try to find my niche in certain cliques, I find that sometimes we just don't fit the 'mold'. 

I am:

Part of an adoptive family
A single parent
A single parent by choice
A single parent by choice AND a Christian
Adopted from foster care through the county and not an agency
Not currently subscribed for online dating (a.k.a. I'm not sad that I'm not married)

I did not:

Battle with infertility
Adopt internationally
Adopt through a domestic infant program
have to deal with disapproving family members
meet any relatives at all even though it would have been nice to

Because of the above list, sometimes it's hard to have commonalities with a set group of people because my little family doesn't neatly fall into a niche that's common. 

I am however grateful that we don't fall into a niche because it makes it easier to get to know others, get to know what their stories are, and see different viewpoints whether or not I agree with them or not.  If one hasn't dipped their toe too far into the adoption lake, one wouldn't know how deep and complex the issues are and range from.  From types of adoption, to what was the norm in the past, how it's changing, how it changed for the worse or better, acknowledging all members of the adoption triad, adoptee rights, grief and loss in adoption....a myriad of topics and issues that are present.  If you dip your toe into the lake of choice moms or single parents by choice, there are a plethora of different stories and scenarios and different ways these people came to be or are striving to be parents. 

Sometimes being different and delving into the unknown and learning from others is a much better deal!  So go, step out of your mold, your clique and get to know some people that are in a different situation than you.  You'll be glad you did. 


Jen said...

So glad that foster adoption was the choice for you! And niches are overrated anyway. :) Thanks for stopping by my blog. I recently found yours too.

Jenny said...

Although I'm trying a different route to single motherhood, reading about your experience with foster adoption has been very interesting and eye-opening for me.

I didn't pursue adoption at the start because I thought my history of depression would knock me out of the running to become a foster or adoptive parent. Maybe it still will, but I'm thinking more and more about at least giving it a shot.

Barb said...

I think this is true of everyone. As much as we all might think that everyone else fits into some mold or label, we're all unique and different and we're all trying to fit in and find a place that's comfortable. As lonely as being a single parent can be, I have married friends who tell me they are lonely too. As exhausted as I sometimes feel being a mother of "advanced maternal age" my younger friends tell me they're overwhelmed and exhausted too. As much as I question whether I'm doing everything I can to bond and spend quality time with my children, the adoptive families I know also try to find that balance. I think as parents we're all trying to do the same thing... raise our children with love and security so that they can be happy, independent adults. And it's hard yet rewarding work regardless of what angle you come at it from.

Anonymous said...

Love this post and totally agree. I totally laughed out loud at the comment regarding online dating. I'm with you there, girl!